The Mask Within
by splicercookie
Summary: After the defeat of Corypheus, Alina Lavellan and her companions struggle to put back together a world torn by the chaos. Within, she struggles with her own shattered heart, plagued with thoughts of the one who broke it, and the potential of the one who may put her back together.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: After falling in love with DA:I and Solas and Cullen (and the entire cast, really), I wanted to write my own fanfic.**

**It takes place after the main events of the game, and I think it will focus a lot on F!Lavellan's relationships with the others, how her Dalish heritage affects her position as the inquisitor, and more background thoughts I wanted to embellish from the game. I also think I'll be throwing in some flashbacks to during the Inquisition to make their relationships feel more fleshed out. Of course, there will be a lot of Solas x Lavellan and Cullen x Lavellan, since I believe both relationships are wonderful! Though tbh I don't know how it'll go in the end.**

**If you enjoy, please please do review & favorite if you would like, as I really like to read the feedback :)**

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><p>Skyhold was ablaze with celebration. In the middle of it all was Alina Lavellan, the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste. Praise showered down upon her from all angles, beautiful smiling faces all pointed in her direction. She smiled back wordlessly, the victory of defeating Corypheus not lost upon her. Alina walked through Skyhold with grace and recognized that her presence, her smile, her "belief" that she was truly the Herald of Andraste was of incredible importance to those she led.<p>

The cheering and applause were thundering, shaking the very stones that held the impenetrable fortress together. Alina walked on, her head held high, surrounded by her companions. They, too, deserved as much praise and attention, and she was glad to see that they were enjoying the festivities. She had realized that the laughter and the happiness upon their faces were things she had seen little of in the recent weeks as the world grew more and more dire.

To Alina, this was all a necessary part of being the Inquisitor. She now played the role with excruciating perfection, although this wasn't always so. She smiled as she remembered her initial months in the inquisition – how out of place and how much of an oddball she was. Now she wears the mask as a permanent accessory, The Game becoming as simple as the air she breathed.

And yet, as Alina and her party reached the entrance to the main chamber of Skyhold, she felt her willingness to play the lead role faltered. She entertained the partygoers as much as she felt she could, before retiring early to her chambers. Her closest friends knew what plagued her so, but to outsiders she just seemed tired, and who wouldn't be after the ordeal they had just undergone?

Her quarters had always felt so comforting and inviting, although she realized she had had not much time to spend there, nor reason. But on the evening of Corypheus's defeat, she felt so very alone. She heard the sounds of laughter, of clinking goblets and forks scraping plates. She heard the music and the reveling and it was all well and good, but secretly in the depths of her heart, Alina felt only more and more isolated. She stood on the balcony letting the wind and cold wrap her in its arms, but she paid it no heed. Instead she wondered what it felt like if_ he_ were beside her. How differently she would feel about the end if it didn't truly mean _the end_, at least not for them. Reality brought her no comfort, only unanswered questions, half-truths and vague answers that were not really answers at all.

She couldn't yet bring herself to think of his face, his name. Only the vague notion of _him_. Sadness grew within her but tears would not come, a blank numbness replaced by increasing fire, increasing yearning, increasing bitterness.

Alina was not startled when she heard the faint rustle of another beside her.

"A mask, permanently smiling, slick and stuck like a second skin." Cole said with a pain in his voice. "Inside feeling empty, wondering, worries worming its way into the deepest trenches of your being. You miss him."

"Yes, I do." She didn't say much more than that. She didn't need to, around Cole.

"Why did he go, why didn't he tell me? What do I do to make things right? Better?" Cole leaned his arms over the railing to join Alina. He turned to her and lowered his voice to a whisper, "He hurt, he hurts, he loves you but he can't. You are his heart and there is only one, it is only you."

Alina looked beside her at her spirit friend. Cole, a young and innocent spirit of Compassion taking the form of a long-dead, tortured mage. Though many shied away from him, Alina never did. From the moment he came to her at Haven, announcing the attack of Corypheus, she felt a love and protection for him that she used to feel with her brothers back in her clan. She put her arm around his shoulder.

"I want to help you," he whispered urgently, an anxiety arising in his soft voice, "but I can't. I don't know how. I can only make you forget, but I don't think you want that."

Alina smiled. "No, I don't. It would be wrong in many ways to forget."

Cole looked puzzled, confused, as if he didn't know how to phrase what he was feeling. An odd occurrence, Alina noted. He put both of his hands on her shoulders, bringing her to face him. She had to suppress the urge to smile at his innocence in doing so, and she waited patiently for him to speak.

"I am here for you."

He said it as if he had never uttered those words before, and Alina realized, he probably hadn't. Cole's help was quick, always took the form of action, and of course, always ended with him being forgotten. She never expected this from him, especially because she had helped him become more of a spirit in the recent past.

"Thank you, Cole," Alina smiled widely, giving Cole the reassurance that he had said the right thing. He breathed a sigh of relief. She placed a kiss upon his cheek. "You will always find safety in me," Alina responded. She wanted him to understand how much he meant to her. He smiled at her in response, becoming more at ease.

The two looked up at the stars before retreating back into the Inquisitor's quarters. They sat down on her bed together, and Cole put his arm around her shoulders, knowing the importance of the gesture but still unsure of himself. When Alina began to cry, he said nothing, but instead let her sob into the folds of his shirt. He brushed her hair slowly with his fingers. Within, Cole felt uneasy at the thought of not immediately helping her. This is not how he usually helped. But as she continued to cry, he felt less and less anxious as he began to realize that this was all that she needed. That he _was_ helping.

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><p>"Inquisitor?" A light, Antivan voice echoed through Alina's bedchambers. She awoke, the sun streaming in through the stained glass windows. She laid in bed, still, not responding to the calls. Perhaps if she stayed silent she would be left alone, left to return to her dreams.<p>

"Inquisitor?" It came again, slightly more urgent, and slightly closer. Alina resigned to defeat.

"Good morning to you, Josie." Alina hoisted herself out of bed, still wearing her pyjamas. Oh, who was she kidding, she wore those pyjamas day in and day out when she was at Skyhold. Why she had no other clothes, she had no idea. Saving the world is more important than fashion she often told herself, although Vivienne seemed to completely prove that wrong.

"Inquisitor, how did you sleep? Did you enjoy the festivities last night?" Josephine looked slightly nervous, as if trying to gauge Alina's approval for the party she had planned the night before.

"Josie, please, call me Alina. There is no need to be so formal, especially now," Alina began, casting her advisor a sly smile, "and yes, your party was absolutely fantastic, I daresay much better than a party thrown by anybody else! Well, maybe except for Varric, but to be honest, I'm glad it was you. If I want to end up half-naked in a pool of mud with my underwear on my head again, I'll ask Varric."

"Again?" Josephine asked incredulously, nearly losing her composure. "My, my, Alina, I'm just glad I didn't have to try and spin that one into a tale for the public. I can't imagine what I would even begin to say!"

"Just call it a Dalish ritual, it'll be fine," Alina laughed. She was glad at how easily Josephine switched to calling her by her first name. "Anyway, I'm sure you did not come up here just to ask after me. Is there something wrong?"

Caught beside herself, Josephine slipped back into a much more professional manner. She cleared her throat.

"Nothing is wrong, Inquisitor, um, Alina, no. I just wanted to personally congratulate you for your victory, for your hand in saving the world! Although you have won, there are still many more matters to attend to. You are still the crux upon which the future balances. We must rebuild this world, together. Most of your companions will be staying, if you'll have them. Even Cassandra is staying for a time, before her duties as the Divine begin." Josephine stopped, noticing an almost imperceptible change in Alina's face. She dropped her speech at once and came to her side. "I am so sorry, Alina. I did not mention that I… I know about Solas. The two of you. I read Leliana's reports, that he cannot be found. I know you two were close, and I… If you need to talk, I am here."

"You don't know what that means to me, Josie," Alina relaxed, letting her head rest on Josephine's shoulder. "I am okay, for now. I would like to focus on the changes that need to be made. I can't bring him back if he does not want to come, but I will not let that stop me from doing my job." Alina's tone changed and she turned to smile at her advisor, no, her close friend, although Alina could not determine exactly when that change had occurred. "I am the Inquisitor, damn it, and I will help to rebuild this world!"

"Then let us make our way to the war table." Josephine smiled in response and followed Alina out of the room and down the hall, familiar steps that they had taken far too often.

As Alina entered the war room, she felt a renewed strength. She pushed thoughts of _him_ to the back of her mind. Only in the quietest of moments did she ever let herself miss him, but for now she could not entertain the thought. She had duties to attend to, and if nothing else, her time as the "Inquisitor," the "Herald of Andraste," had taught her how to put on her mask. Her bravest face, in a world where she knew she never really belonged; a petite, female elf, brought unwillingly to be their leader, their savior. She did not hate that she had to help, she did not mind – but the creeping feeling of being on the outside looking in never dissipated. But if her closest friends felt so, they never betrayed it in their words, actions, or faces. They only ever looked upon her with love and admiration.

Alina requested that they all call her by her first name from now on, at least in private. In public they could call her whatever they wished. As she worked with her three advisors on developing new plans of action for the lands around Skyhold to bring them back from the brink of chaos, she felt at home. A funny feeling, she thought, as she realized that she finally found something she didn't realize she was missing all along since leaving her clan - a home.

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><p>Alina and Varric watched from the ramparts as Cullen trained with his men. She was always impressed by his willingness to be with, to train with, to ride with, his soldiers. They admired and obeyed him to no end, and would ride with him into the depths of the Deep Roads if only he were to ask. She could not deny their admiration – she, too, felt the same way about the Commander. He was strong, powerful and unwavering in the face of danger, and although she was technically above him, she always looked to him for answers.<p>

"Checking out curly, are we?" Varric broke her out of her reverie. "I always thought there would be something between you two, but then came Chuckles." Alina let herself only be slightly annoyed at Varric, as she knew full well that he wasn't wrong. "You know, that would make a pretty good love story. I can picture it now… A love triangle, a story of romance, intrigue, betrayal, and deceit!" Varric waved his hands around dramatically. He smiled when he saw Alina begin to laugh.

"Unfortunately for you and your stories, Varric, there would be absolutely no truth to base it on! And while you are the kind to spin tales as tall as Sundermount, I know you would hardly write straight up_ lies_, now would you?" She gave him a wry smile before turning her eyes back to Cullen. "How can there be a love triangle if nothing ever happened between us?"

"Well look who's lying now, Inquisitor," Varric said, amused, "I'm fairly certain I didn't hear '_nothing_' during the wee hours of the night coming from your quarters." He laughed. "Yeah, that's right, all of Skyhold could hear your 'nothing' clear as day. I gotta hand it to Chuckles, there. Can't say I wasn't surprised." Varric could hardly contain himself as a look of horror and embarrassment spread through Alina's vallaslin-less face. She blushed profusely and opened her mouth, but found she had no retort for the dwarf. "Nothing ever happened between Cullen and I..." She meekly stated, but Varric brushed her off with a wave of his hand.

"I respected the guy, certainly, but I always thought you and Curly would be perfect. Hey, do you think the carpet matches the drapes?" He offered nonchalantly, endlessly entertained by how good he was at embarrassing Alina. She shot him a look of bemusement, to which he replied, "I'll let you find out and report back to me, alright?"

Varric sauntered away, Bianca over his shoulder. "By the way, I heard you're going back to the Emerald Graves, soon. Bianca and I are itching for some action, so let me know when, alright?"

And so Varric left Alina, her reluctant smile spreading across her face. Varric knew how to help her laugh at her problems, she'd give him that. Even if she had entertained the idea of Cullen before, she didn't even know where to begin. Their relationship was so tangled that she wasn't even sure if she could unweave it.

First, she thought, there was the way he had initially looked upon her when he realized she was a mage. His face closed, his hand to his sword, unflinching, a second nature. He quickly came to realize she was absolutely no threat, and he warmed up considerably to her. Even so, she could not forget the way he looked at her that first time. During their time at Haven, Alina would flirt with Cullen ever so often, and she found it absolutely charming how babbling and embarrassed he would get. It was adorable and strange to her that a man so handsome could be so inexperienced, although she had to remind herself that he was a Templar for most of his life. She wondered if he was a virgin. She blushed and immediately perished the thought. During the last fight at Haven, as Cullen prepared to make their escape, she could see a tenderness in his eyes that he could not betray in words. She may have never had eyes for Solas after that, if he had told her. But as it was, he did not, and she could not linger on it any longer.

During their innumerable fights thereafter, Alina had come to find Cullen as a safe spot. Not in a way that she found she could confide in him, but in a way that let her look at him, share glances with him, in a way that nothing needed to be said. He was the pillar upon which she stood. He knew this and accepted this duty wordlessly. If Cullen had developed any more feelings for her after Haven, she did not know. He was used to hiding himself, as she was. Together, two masked dancers skirting around the same ball.

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><p>"Inquisitor, may I have a word with you?" Cullen asked, exhausted, trotting up behind Alina. She was making her way to find Blackwall, hoping to play a game of Wicked Grace, but stopped when she realized she was being beckoned for. "Yes?" she asked, trying not to stare at the way Cullen's face glistened from his swordplay.<p>

"You may be wondering why I've been training so much more lately. Especially now that Corypheus is gone," he began, clearly trying to think of how he best wanted to express himself.

"I suppose I did notice, but I felt it was best not to question you. You are the expert in these matters, after all," Alina offered him a comforting smile.

"Well, I was doing so because I would like to… um…" Alina cocked an eyebrow at Cullen, waiting for him to continue. "I would like to join your party from now on, or whenever it may please you." He stated formally. She laughed inwardly at how regally he treated her, even after all this time, even after her insistence that he treat her like a friend.

"I would love that. We haven't had a lot of opportunities to fight together, and I want to see who is better on the battlefield. You may be an excellent leader and swordsman, but I think you'll find that my magic will leave you breathless." She smiled almost suggestively before slinking away, leaving Cullen to wonder in the sunlight if his Inquisitor had just made some sort of pass at him, or if his training had rendered him quite delirious.

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><p><strong>AN: Hey, so I know as far as action goes it was a whole lotta nuthin, but I do intend to pick up the pace more in later chapters. There are many threads I would like to pursue as far as F!Lavellan and her companions, and I really ya'll like it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review! Thank you for reading lovelies!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Introspection, overwhelming thoughts, alcohol, one blonde Templar, and a murder mystery. Phew, my little Inquisitor is going through a lot these days.**

**Please read & review! Especially if there are certain elements you think are missing or you'd like to see more of, or less of. Any friendly suggestions are always appreciated! **

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><p>She chose to bring her companions to the Emerald Graves for reasons she knew were selfish, but she let it go. She knew that they knew, and that they understood: things with her had not been quite the same since <em>he<em> left. She kept her air of certainty, her calm, but her friends knew her better than she believed. The way she looked into the distance when conversation lacked, how her face stayed determinedly blank when his name was brought up.

Alina let herself breathe deeply, letting herself go. Surrounded by the lushness of the forest, she felt a little more at peace. Steeped in history, she could feel whispers rustling through the branches, touching her skin as lightly as the breeze. With every step she could feel untold stories of sorrow, of happiness, of fear, beneath her feet. She could feel the long forgotten history of her people. It pulsed within the ground. This was one reason she chose to come here.

Thankfully, this beautiful, ancient forest remained untouched since they had liberated it months ago. Only a few Inquisition camps remained, faithfully patrolling the area to keep the peace. They saw that no further harm came to the land before them.

After much silent traveling, Alina stopped beside the waterfall right in the heart of the forest.

"Let's make camp here." She said quietly, setting down her belongings.

"So tell me, Ali," Varric ventured, "Why here?" His eyes bore into Alina's with such force she could not look away.

"I just felt that I needed to get away. Skyhold has been… constricting, as of late. My head hasn't stopped spinning since Corypheus," Alina sighed, exasperated, "and don't even get me started on those Orlesian nobles."

"I get what you're saying, you wanna let loose away from the prying eyes of ol' Josie now don't you?" Varric chuckled, opening his bag, "Why didn't ya say so?" From within came far too much alcohol. _Does he always carry this much with him? This would explain a lot… _Alina frowned.

She had many more excuses to be here, and Varric knew this, but he decided not to press on. Cullen and Cole, her other two companions, remained quiet. Feeling the silence press into her skin like flames, Alina jumped up.

"I'll be back," she said quickly, "I'm just going to get us some fresh water from the river." Cullen nodded wordlessly.

"Hey, kid, Curly, want to help me set up camp? Maybe we can try and get a fire going _without_ our mage. Talk about barbaric!" Varric laughed at himself and the others followed his lead, preparing their camp site by the waterfall with practiced hands.

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><p>Alina felt purely idiotic. During her time as the Inquisitor she never had any time within her own head, and she loathed it. But now, finally free to consume her thoughts, she recoiled. <em>When did I come to rely on distractions?<em>

Back at Skyhold she had no issue in the War Room, assigning tasks to her advisors as she saw fit. Already Ferelden and Orlais were shaping up. Emprise du Lion was already back on its feet, the Storm Coast free from bandits, the inhabitants of Crestwood finally rebuilding their lives… Alina had seen it all. She had shaped it with the help of her friends. If she were the will, they were her many hands.

As she began to collect water in a vial from the river, she studied the face looking back at her. Even now, months after the occurrence, she still felt her reflection a stranger. The lack of vallaslin made her feel ashamed and embarrassed, feelings only dispelled momentarily when he called her beautiful.

With her vallaslin, Alina felt like she had a background, a history, she was forever tied to. Proof, literally upon her face. As the Inquisitor she represented the free elves, the Dalish, proudly showing her tattoos to the world. Without it she may as well have been from outer space or the bottom of the sea, a child lost to time, and now she could never return to her clan.

Ironically, she mused, only by doing away with the lines on her face did she truly become marked. As much as Alina wanted to cast her blame and bitterness at _him_, she could not. She accepted his truth and let him remove her vallaslin.

Alina rested her back upon a tree, looking at the filled water vials beside her. Alina could usually hide behind her title and her companions, but in the utter aloneness of the Emerald Graves, she could not hide from herself. Her thoughts began to cascade; they swirled, tightening, consuming her being.

She had _loved_ him, she admitted silently. She still did. With every fiber of her being, she knew this to be true. Tears began to roll steadily down her cheeks. She let the memories within her flow freely, something she had dared not do since the night he had broken her heart.

Their first kiss in the fade made her so giddy, like a young elf experiencing a boy for the first time. She thought it so innocent, so light- she had never suspected he would tug at her heartstrings so strongly. Their second kiss upon her balcony sealed it. _Ar lath ma, vhenan. _I love you, my heart.

She remembered their sweaty, secret trysts, their romantic rendezvous in her room, in his. Alina realized then that although she had been with others, loved others, she did not understand them as she understood him. In return, he clearly knew her better than she knew herself, a fact she could not erase.

In the eyes of others he acted no differently towards her, but their stolen glances weighed so heavily upon her it left her dizzy. His wisdom beyond any that she knew, she could not help but become enraptured by his words. In his rhythm, in his love. In turn, she guessed that he had probably had other lovers, many more than she, but this did not bother her in the slightest. In the way he held her she knew that she was special. Like Cole said, his heart. His only heart.

But now he felt like a lost dream. Alina finally opened her eyes, allowing her emotions to simmer down. She stood up, ready to return to her companions. She had picked them seemingly arbitrarily, but inside she had unspoken reasons for specifically wanting their company on a trip that may end in her delirious ranting about _him_.

As she traipsed down the path back to camp, she could hear Varric and Cullen bickering. It brought a smile to her face. What she wanted, what she really yearned for, was a night free of obligations, free of the burdens of the inquisition. She knew that they would understand.

"You're back!" Cole exclaimed excitedly, dropping the firewood he held so clumsily in his arms. Alina cringed as she watched a block of wood fall squarely on Varric's foot. "I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to hurt you!" Cole frantically apologized, but Varric waved him off with a laugh.

"Don't worry, kid. Here, you make it up to me by trying some of this." Varric handed Cole a glass of something that was clearly potent, as Alina could smell it from more than a few feet away.

"By the Maker, Varric, you're going to knock the poor kid out before sunset!" Cullen strode over and took the glass away from Cole, much to the latter's dismay.

"I was going to try that," Cole insisted. Cullen walked over to the river and paused.

"Hey now, don't you even think about tossing it!" Varric eyed the Templar.

"Yes, I do suppose that would be a waste now wouldn't it?" And with that, Cullen downed the glass in one gulp. He winked slyly at Varric before tossing the glass back towards him. Alina vaguely wondered why Cullen could be so undoubtedly charming now, but seemed to basically trip over himself anytime she came near. She sauntered over to Varric and held out her hand with a grin, demanding a glass.

"You too? Oh boy, tonight's going to be a rough night."

"We can't let our Commander have all the fun, that just wouldn't be fair," Alina put on a pretend pout, noticing Cullen's blush. She knocked back her glass and shivered. "And for Cole, something that tastes a little less… poisonous." She sat down beside her friend and handed him a glass. "Try it, I promise it won't hurt… that bad."

Copying his older, presumably more experienced drinking friends, Cole attempted to "knock back" his drink. He only spit out about half of it, and Alina whooped, encouraging him. Cullen laughed heartily while Varric poured him a second glass.

"This time, try to drink the whole thing." And so he did.

"It tastes like dying." Cole muttered. Alina could not help but burst out laughing. She knew she brought him along for a reason. It felt good to genuinely laugh, something she hadn't felt in quite some time. She locked eyes with Cullen, who shared a sweet smile with her. She noticed how dazzling his eyes were. Why had she not seen it before?

"Hey, lovebirds," Varric interrupted, causing the pair to hastily break off eye contact. He chuckled. _Asshole_, Alina thought. Noticing the look in the Inquisitor's eyes, he backed off. "I'm just playing around. How about another drink?"

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><p>The stars twinkled brightly in the night sky. Cole passed out in his tent early enough, although to his credit, he did make it past sundown. Varric was humming merry songs to himself while fiddling around with Bianca. He had reached a state where he hardly acknowledged either Alina or Cullen, must to Alina's relief. Earlier in the night he kept referring to them as lovebirds, and she nearly punched his lights out.<p>

"Care to take a walk, Inqui… Alina?" Cullen asked Alina. She noticed that with some alcohol in him, he was much less embarrassed than usual. She looked at him and he quickly put his head down and looked away. _Maybe not_.

"Of course, Cullen."

The two strode down the riverside, the moonlight shining dimly through the trees. The forest was alive with fireflies and crickets. Alina felt very much at ease, both because of the forest and the presence of her commander. They walked beside one another in a comfortable silence, Alina dipping her feet in and out of the river.

"It is a strange feeling," Cullen began, "to know that this forest is quiet. It is clean. There are no foes hiding between the trees, waiting to strike."

"And yet it feels more alive than ever." Alina replied, catching a firefly in her hands. "Come, put your hands on mine."

Alina turned to face her Commander, and he turned to her. She knew that only in the darkness, with a little bit of liquid courage, could they both do this. Under the pretense of friendship, of companionship, only then would he hold her hands in his. She felt his fingers, surprised to feel his skin instead of his gloves. They felt warm. Soft. Inviting. His hands enveloped hers with the same protective warmth that he displayed when he stood beside her on the battlefield. She was safe. He softly opened her hands with his own.

The darkness between their faces illuminated in a golden glow as the firefly came to life. Alina couldn't help but look into the face of her Commander, and he into hers. Her eyes traced the scars, the lines of his handsome face. She knew of how dark his past was, and how he had only revealed bits and pieces to her over their time together. She wondered briefly if she could heal him. If she could put the pieces back together. Alina relaxed her hands, and Cullen immediately withdrew his, as if snapping back to reality.

"I used to catch fireflies when I was a young boy, with my sister," Cullen remarked, "She was much better at it than I." He chuckled. "At first, I hated it. I wanted to be the best. But after a while it didn't matter so much to me… Seeing the joy on my sister's face was enough."

"I didn't take you to be such a sweetheart." Alina teased.

"I really ought to write to her more," Cullen said, lost in thought, "I had gotten so used to being without my family. But maybe it's time I rectify that." He turned his eyes to her.

"In my clan, young elves would catch fireflies and present them to others whom they fancied."

"I'm sure you received many such gifts."

"Perhaps, but I rarely returned the favor. They called me picky."

"I suppose I should feel special, then." Cullen commented casually, but Alina could feel the tension in the air. She began to walk away from him, further down the river. She threw him a playful glance over her shoulder.

"Yes, perhaps you should."

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><p>"Eyes averted, embarrassed, wondering, wanting, wishing. Hope seeps within, setting fire to the bones long resigned to their fate, forever doused in doubts." Cole spoke absent mindedly into the morning sun. He turned his face and baldly stared at the three others, "Hands, soft, silky, so small and serene. She-"<p>

"Cole!" Alina chastised, her face heating up. Cole might have been reading her thoughts, but there was also a chance he was reading the mind of... "Cole, please."

"Sorry. Just thought you'd like to know."

Varric snickered, but made no outward comment. He finished packing up the last of their camp when a messenger appeared from within the trees. Out of breath, sweating, she ran up to the group.

"Inquisitor! A message from Skyhold! It is urgent."

"Go ahead," Alina said, the hairs on the back of her head prickling.

"There is something terribly amiss… I…" the messenger did not know how to best proceed with the information. She handed Alina a vellum scroll. It was from Leliana.

_Inquisitor,_

_You must return to Skyhold with haste. Blood stains the inner halls, leading to your chambers, but within is no prettier sight. It has been completely destroyed. We found a head pinned to your bedpost. It is a male elf. I do not wish to make any more assumptions as to his identity, but I fear he is someone you may know. We must get to the bottom of this._

_Leliana_

Alina's hands shaking, she cleared her throat. "Thank you, messenger, you have done your duty well. You may go." She turned back to her companions. "We are going home. Something is very wrong within the castle."

She handed the scroll to Cullen. Her mind raced, thoughts barely forming before being swept away by another. Was it someone from Skyhold? Someone from her clan? Was it a friend, an old lover, or a family member? Alina's jaw clenched. Questions she could not answer, she tried to put them aside.

Her own thoughts could wait. The Inquisitor was needed back at Skyhold.

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><p><strong>AN: I feel like my early chapters are setting the foundation. I just want to make you guys familiar with my quizzie's mindset. More action (in both sense of the words, heheh) to come in future chapters. Do you guys enjoy reading about the characters banter and relationships? I personally found that I wanted to know so much more about the quizzie's relationships with the other companions, so here I am fleshing it out in my own way **

**Please review with any suggestions, comments, or just feedback saying you like it (or hate it D:) **

**Thank you for reading!**

**Also I'm going out of town for 12 days so I won't be able to update till then. Don't forget about me!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: wow guys, i am finally back at a computer after 2 weeks. I hope that this chapter is worth the wait. I did tons of brainstorming while I was away. If you like, please read and review! Enjoy!**

**also sorry if my writing is way worse right nowwww booooo **

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><p>"Show me." Alina demanded. She walked up the steps to Skyhold, her advisors joining her.<p>

"I must warn you to its ugliness," Leliana began, "We have not let anyone in here since yesterday morning."

As Alina ascended the last few steps, she brought her gaze up. Horror would not begin to describe the sight that lay before her. Among the finely decorated tables were streaks of blood. Streaks with such purpose, such direction, she knew that at least one body was dragged through this hallway.

"Fingernail scrapes along the stone were found," Leliana paused, "and teeth."

Alina could stand it no longer. "To the bedchamber." She began to march forward. Leliana was the only advisor to accompany her.

She burst through the door, her light feet making no sound as she rushed up the stone-cold stairway. _Yes, Leliana did not exaggerate_. She barely recognized her own room. She saw the head out of the corner of her eye, but she did not dare rest her gaze upon it.

"Inquisitor." Leliana's voice spoke softly but urgently. She was gesturing towards the bedpost.

"Yes. I know." Alina turned to look, taking a few steps closer. Her eyes focused, her mind blank, but for two words.

"Little brother," Alina breathed, "_Da'len… ma da'assan." Little child… My little arrow_. She turned to Leliana, unable to think, unable to feel, "He is my little brother. Mahanon Lavellan."

"Inquisitor," Leliana placed a hand on Alina's shoulder, "I will not let this go unpunished. I will find who is responsible for this. And I will end them." She leaned in to give her friend a hug, "I will not let you down."

Alina stood alone on the ramparts of Skyhold, bearing no interest in Leliana's spies who moved throughout the grounds, looking for any sign of a clue. She _would_ partake in this, but not at that moment. She needed to collect her thoughts.

_A message. It is a message. _She knew that once she had saved the world from Corypheus, more enemies would rise in the shadows, looking to displace her. Was this the case now? Or was it something far more sinister? Within the walls of stone she knew her advisors and companions were meeting, discussing, analyzing. They were not strangers to loss.

Her own first step was clear. She had to return to her clan, a thought that churned her stomach. Alina had desperately wanted to return for a time, but she was unsure of the reception she would receive.

Thoughts of her smallest brother, her youngest kin, her _little arrow_, flashed across her mind. Beloved by all, Mahanon was always a pride and joy of the Lavellan clan. He was unrivaled in the ways of the hunt, his arrows never missing their mark. Out of all of her siblings, only Mahanon had occasionally sent Alina a letter, curious about her adventures, as he was almost the one who was sent to the conclave. Only at the last moment was Alina sent instead of her younger brother. She wondered how different things would be.

Rage and injustice swirled within her, growing and building with such force that Alina could not quell it. Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the stone in front of her. She let her head fall forward, her obsidian black hair obscuring her face. She let a tear trickle down her cheek. _One tear for you, ma da'assan, but no more. I will find who did this to you, I promise. _

Alina brought her gaze forward to look out over the Skyhold grounds. Her eyes wandered over the people down below, coming to settle on Commander Cullen. She was only slightly surprised to find him already looking at her, concern in his eyes, obvious even from what felt like miles away.

* * *

><p>Alina watched as rhythmic waves pounded the shore of the Storm Coast. They were to cross the Waking Sea here, using a large boat salvaged a few months ago by Inquisition soldiers. They would spend tonight preparing, casting off tomorrow. She was assured the trip would be an easy one, but she still felt a little nervous.<p>

She sat around the campfire with her companions, the warmth on her fingertips offering small comfort in the face of the aching hole in the middle of her chest, where her heart used to be.

She turned her attention to the three before her, smiling slightly as she watched Cullen try to stop Cassandra and Varric's incessant bickering. All of her other companions learned long ago that it was fruitless to try and stem the waves of mutual verbal abuse. Soon enough, their argument devolved into the merciless teasing of Cullen, who immediately regretted even trying to join the conversation.

"Curly over here hasn't even faced a dragon!"

"Yes, Commander Cullen probably wouldn't even know what to do if given the chance," Cassandra threw her head back in genuine laughter.

Cullen opened his mouth to retort, his cheeks blushing bright pink, but was cut short by an alarmingly close, guttural roar.

Alina instinctively reached for her glimmering staff, the others already on their feet. She whipped her head around, the stars illuminating the source of the sound. _Giants_. Two lumbering, aggravated giants were making their way towards the beach, while Alina's companions rushed to meet them head on.

She immediately ordered the other Inquisition soldiers to fall back- she knew that they alone could dispatch the giants. Already she saw Varric maneuvering in between the rocks, nimbly finding his way to a better vantage point.

Cassandra, her shield raised high, did not hesitate for a moment before rushing into battle. She was shortly followed by Cullen, who wielded his sword with the utmost grace.

In the back, Alina felt her chest thrumming with magic, her eyes closed. She felt it tug, pull, and chip at her self-control, her swirling emotions beginning to run wild. Her hands begin to release sparks, her staff glowing with power. _Strength in weakness, hope in despair_.

Her eyes snapped open, her rage and torment coming forth in fountains of powerful magic. She begin to twist and move with her staff in a dance, fire exploding in frenzy from the tip of her weapon. In front of her she saw the giants writhe in pain, their bare skin catching alight with her magic.

From afar she caught the eye of Varric. He nodded almost imperceptibly at her and positioned his crossbow, aiming with a steady hand straight into the eye of the closest giant. Alina focused all of her energy on the arrowhead of Varric's next bolt, her hand outstretched.

He let his arrow fly- its tip surrounded by a magical barrier of lightning, fizzling and crackling, barely contained. Alina watched intently, and as the bolt hit its mark, she broke the barrier with a snap of her fingers, the sound resonating through the battlefield.

A moment of silence passed as Cullen and Cassandra, though both headlong into the fight, could not resist the urge to look. Their heads craned up at the eye of the foe before them, pausing.

A thunderous shockwave released, the sounds of electricity roasting the insides of the giant. It screamed in pain before falling to its knees, the magic coursing through its veins.

"Now!" Cassandra bellowed, as she turned to raise her shield to protect herself and Cullen from the other giant, its hand bearing down heavily upon her.

Wasting no time, Cullen's sword flashed through the night, severing the neck of the felled giant with one slice. Covered in blood, he turned swiftly and boldly made his way to the feet of their last enemy.

Alina focused her attention on Cullen's sword, willing the power of flame to fight at his side. He struck down the second giant with ease, his weapon glimmering with fire. Cassandra ended the fight by again beheading the giant, a skill she had much practice with from journeying with the Inquisitor.

"Now that's good stuff," Varric said, appearing out of nowhere at Alina's side, "You really pulled it off well." Alina wasn't sure if he was commenting on her magic or Bianca.

She looked up to see Cassandra grinning beside Cullen as the two made their way back to the beach.

"I must admit, it felt good to be able to put my sword and shield to use again."

Cassandra and Varric walked off towards the fire, signaling to the rest of the Inquisition soldiers that they could come out and finish preparations. They shared a chuckle as they reminisced about battles past. Alina turned to Cullen smiling, but immediately stopped as she saw a grim look upon his features.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, feeling suddenly very self-conscious. She fingered the hems of her sleeves, her staff on her back.

"Inquisitor…" Cullen began, hesitating, "That magic… You imbued my sword with fire. I have to admit, I am not very comfortable with it. I know the others are used to it, but I…"

He trailed off, unable to speak more. Alina mentally slapped herself, realizing how that even after all this time, Cullen was still holding onto deeply-rooted fears, his memories of mages and magic not being so easily erased by the Inquisition.

"I'm so sorry, Cullen," Alina placed a hand on his shoulder, "I didn't think twice about it. I meant you no harm."

Cullen brought his hand to hers, his expression softening. "It's quite alright, Alina. I was just surprised. Perhaps in the future, we… I could get used to it." He slowly closed his fingers around hers before moving her hand away. "Come, we should join the others."

* * *

><p>Despite saving Thedas from a giant, evil, magic-corrupted Tevinter Magister, Alina could not save herself from the perils of sea sickness. She spent the next few days in an uncomfortable, nauseous stupor where she would entertain herself by counting how many times she vomited in a day, noting volume and color.<p>

Varric would tell winding tales to the deckhands and in return ask for their stories, making friends over tales of monsters, women, and political intrigue. Occasionally he would find himself spending time with Alina, patting her back and telling her stories of his time in Kirkwall.

On their last night aboard the ship, Cassandra found Cullen staring up at the stars, ignoring the cold winds that tousled his hair. She sat beside him.

"Commander."

"Cassandra," Cullen started, before pausing. He realized that in all of their time together, the two had not talked much beyond Inquisition matters. Glancing sideways, he looked at Cassandra, analyzing the bond between them. "You fight well."

It was a poor conversation topic, but Cullen did not know what else to say, and at least he was being honest. He had always admired Cassandra's prowess and skill in battle.

"Thank you, Commander. As do you," Cassandra replied, "I have only seen you fight a handful of times, but I see our trust in you was not misplaced. Not that I ever had any doubts." Cullen smiled.

"I just hope that I can be of service, especially to Alina," His expression dimmed, "I hope that we find the answers we are looking for. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be going through."

"She has faced many hardships, even more so since Corypheus' defeat. I worry that she is taking on too much. She should not have to face this alone."

"No, she won't," Cullen responded, "I won't let her."

It was Cassandra's turn to smile. Despite her outward demeanor, she was quite the softy on the inside, a trait only Alina could really see. _And the dwarf, since he knows I read his novels. _It did not go unnoticed to Cassandra: Cullen's stares, his voice, how he changed completely when Alina came around.

"Of course you won't, that is clear," Cassandra did not respond to Cullen's questioning look, "I won't let her either. I think between the two of us we can do an excellent job protecting our Inquisitor."

"With your shield."

"And your sword."

The two gazed wordlessly towards the horizon, a comfortableness settling between them. Cullen realized he had misjudged his relationship with the Seeker- perhaps no words were needed to understand the bond that formed between them. Among all of the companions, they were the only two to wield a sword and shield in battle. Together they protected, they united. First it was for the Inquisition, and now it was for Alina, their beacon of hope, a shining star amidst the blackness.

* * *

><p>Alina was exceptionally glad to leave the water behind. She insisted they walk on foot to find her clan. Traipsing through familiar paths, Alina savored the feeling of the ground beneath her feet.<p>

Though happy to be back home, she could not help but feel a sense of dread welling in the pit of her stomach. She had so many questions, so many twisted emotions she could not set straight.

"What if they are all dead?" She whispered into the leaves, letting the thought escape as if she were afraid of what it meant to hold on.

"How much further?" Varric's voice came from behind her.

"Soon," She replied, unable to offer a better answer. Though her clan was occasionally stationary, with the death of her brother, they probably would have uprooted themselves.

Reaching the edge of the forest, Alina squinted her eyes as she stepped into the sun. She could hear the footsteps of her companions behind her.

Alina paused, surveying the stretch of grassy hills beyond. Her eyes searched frantically, looking for a hint, any hint, of her clan. She found none, but then she saw a figure only a few hills away.

Alina froze. Her heart hammered wildly beneath her chest. She heard Cassandra and Cullen murmuring.

She could not believe her eyes.

She blinked, certain it was a mirage.

But it was not. She opened her mouth, her lips daring to form the word she had avoided endlessly for so long.

"Solas."

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><p><strong>AN: **Bum bum bumm! (review!)

ps. sorry if there are typos or grammar errors this time around.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Decided to post one day earlier than scheduled since I left ya'll hanging for 14 days basically. (regularly scheduled updates every Monday I believe, unless you guys would like more?) Anyway, be prepared for not much action this chapter, and more fleshing out of the characters.**

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><p>"What is <em>he<em> doing here?" Cassandra growled, animosity dripping from her words.

"Well, well, well… This is certainly interesting," Varric mumbled, taking a step forward. He clasped his hand on Alina's shoulder, "Hangin' in there?"

If her heart was still beating, she did not know it. Alina's feet were frozen, her mouth agape. The feelings that arose in her chest could only be described as a tornado, slamming the sharp edges of her emotions into one another until they turned to a sugary dust – she could not separate them, she could not pick them apart.

Solas' figure approached slowly over the grassy knolls. She felt her chest tighten as he grew closer and closer, her mind still not letting her believe.

His clothes fluttered gently in the wind, his broad shoulders slightly turning with every step. His jawbone necklace swung like a metronome as he made his way up the last hill to where Alina and her companions were standing.

Alina nearly trembled, her eyes fixed on the top of his head. As he came within a few feet, he brought his gaze up, his eyes instantly meeting hers. _A million unsaid words_. Before Solas could get too close, Cullen moved himself in front of Alina.

"Explain yourself." Cullen breathed, intent on keeping the elf at bay. The mysteriousness of his disappearance weighed heavily on those in the Inquisition, and Cullen was not entirely sure that his reasoning was innocent. Cassandra stepped beside him.

Despite the two warriors standing tall before him, Solas' eyes never left Alina's. He started intently at her, and she did not back down from the heaviness. He regretfully turned his eyes to Cullen and Cassandra.

"I heard of the murder in the Inquisitor's clan," Solas began, his voice slow. Alina, to her dismay, could not help but revel in the sound of his voice, one that she had imagined unwillingly time and time again, a sound she had tried so hard to forget. "I came to help."

"Tell me why I should not end you now!" Cassandra hissed, drawing her blade. Solas merely smiled calmly.

"It seems we have found ourselves in a rather… familiar situation, wouldn't you say?" He responded, cool, but Alina could see the gears whirring beneath, "You may choose to turn me away, but then how will you find the answers you seek?" His eyes narrowed at Cassandra, though Alina knew his words were not meant for her. "I can promise I bear no ill will towards any of you. I truly only came to help."

"Let him stay." Alina said, barely a whisper. Cassandra and Cullen turned in surprise, about to object, but were quelled when they saw the inexplicable expression upon her face. Resigned, Cassandra sheathed her weapon.

"I'll be watching you," Cullen said, "and I will not hesitate to strike you down if I must."

"As you wish." Solas replied.

* * *

><p>The tension could be cut with a knife. The moon shone brightly overhead, putting the stars to shame. A few chirping grasshoppers could be heard in the distance, their otherwise pleasant melodies falling largely on deaf ears. Only Varric truly seemed at ease among the companions as he scribbled in his journal within his tent.<p>

Cassandra could not content herself with sitting, instead choosing to patrol the perimeters of their camp time and time again. Occasionally she would glance in the direction of Solas and make a disgusted noise.

The elf in question stood on a hilltop not too far away, gazing westward, clearly lost in thought.

Alina and Cullen sat beside one another, watching the flames dance and play in the fire pit before them. They sat in their usual silence, but this time it felt heavy, aching.

"Are you alright?" Cullen whispered, trying to keep his concerns platonic.

A long silence.

"Yes." Her voice cracked.

"You don't have to pretend, Alina," Cullen whispered again, his voice becoming more impassioned. He struggled internally between his duties and his heart, trying to will himself to be what he always had been to Alina: her rock, nothing more. "Let me help you."

Cullen glanced around- Solas and Cassandra were both far away, lost in their own worlds. He turned back to Alina, the earnestness of his gaze forcing her to turn and look at him. The sorrow in her shimmering brown eyes could not be hidden- they simmered, bubbled, just below the surface.

"So many things have happened in the last weeks. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around one thing before another one emerges." Her words became breathy, eyes filling with tears. She blinked, trying to hold them back. "I…"

Cullen placed a hand upon Alina's, letting himself abandon hesitation. He tenderly cupped her face with his other hand, his finger brushing away her tears. He felt her squeeze his hand. This simple return of his gesture may have made him feel excited, happy, in another time, in another place, but as he gazed into the reflections of her eyes he only felt his heart break.

In her eyes he saw sadness, anger, bitterness… He saw no end to the doubts that plagued her mind, and what worried him was not her uncertainty but the fact that he could not see that flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.

Only once before, months ago, had he seen her like this.

* * *

><p><em>They are coming! <em>The victory had felt hollow. Corypheus was approaching Haven, seeking only one target.

Amongst the screaming and shouting, amidst the blood and battle and the roars of the flames, Cullen could only see Alina. She ordered the retreat of everyone at Haven. _It is me he wants_, she had said to him, unreadable, before turning to her companions standing before her.

Cullen could not help but admire her at that moment, watching her fearlessness. She did not falter in the face of evil, she did not cower. _You must make haste_, she had said, her eyes burning with determination, _you must make sure that every last person from Haven lives. You must make them safe. I will stay here. I won't let Corypheus pass. _In her voice Cullen heard only confidence, knowing full well that Alina knew she had no chance against the Magister.

He blurted out some sort of hopeful remark, trying to convince himself that he would see her again. The others turned their backs and left, dutifully carrying out Alina's orders. Together in the crumbling fortress of Haven the two stood only for a moment, their eyes melting into one another. This is when he had first seen her eyes devoid of light, devoid of life.

She gave him a smile, the most honest thing she had done all day. _Good-bye, Commander_. She whispered, the crackling flames swallowing her words. Leliana appeared beside Cullen, tugging at his arm. _We must go! _She screamed, before tearing him away. In that last moment before he dragged his eyes away from Alina, he saw it, and he realized.

Alina was not fearless. This was not the trait he had admired about her. It was that she had courage- despite the terror he could see upon her face, the last image of her he was sure he'd ever see- she had courage to face her fears, to meet them head on in the midst of the flames.

* * *

><p>"Ahem."<p>

Cullen and Alina instinctively yanked themselves away from one another. They both brought their attention to the interrupter in question. _Solas_.

If he had any inkling that he was interrupting a tender moment, he did not let on, or he didn't care. "May I have a word, Inquisitor?"

He offered his hand to help her stand. She ignored him pointedly before standing up. "Yes?" Her voice was short.

"It is better if we speak in private," Solas gestured for her to lead. The two walked some ways away, the campfire only a speckle in the distance. Though Cassandra would suggest otherwise, Alina did not feel physically threated in Solas' presence. She knew she would not come to any _physical _harm with him. Emotional was another matter entirely.

Alina could not handle the silence between them.

"I prefer being called by my name, now." Alina stated awkwardly. She could tell that Solas was smiling.

"Alina." He said, his voice too silky for its own good. Alina chastised herself silently.

"Yes. That will do." _That will do?! What is wrong with me? _Alina started to feel a growing annoyance, both with herself and Solas. She was already feeling far too many emotions for a normal elf-being, and did not appreciate that she couldn't help but make a fool of herself in front of the one person who she ever loved. And she certainly did not appreciate that he was most definitely amused by her discomfort.

"I'm sure you have many questions, many things of which you'd like to speak," Solas began, his voice slightly more serious, "I know that I promised you answers."

"I'm not sure that now is the best time to hear them." Alina stated stiffly, not because she didn't care to hear his reasons, but because she had so much weighing on her mind already. Solas nodded in response.

"There are many more pressing issues to attend to right now," Solas said, "so my explanations can wait. However… I want you to know that my intentions here are pure, they are real, Alina. I heard whispers of the happenings of Clan Lavellan during my travels afar, and I believe there is something much deeper brewing. Though admittedly, there is much to be seen, first."

"Then… I appreciate your help, Solas." Alina replied, unable to bring herself to say much more. There were so many things she wanted to say, to ask, to scream, but in the shadow of her brother's death they felt misplaced, juvenile.

Solas reached out, placing his hand gently on her arm. She immediately receded as if touching a hot iron. He looked visibly pained.

"_Vhenan…"_

"No! I am no longer yours, I am no long your _vhenan_," Her words scathed his being. He tried to prepare himself for this moment, but in its reality he found he could not stop it from hurting. But he did feel a little better seeing her _alive_, her passion, even if it came in the form of hate. Seeing only the empty shell of his _vhenan_ earlier was much worse than death. He wanted to believe that his love, given and then taken away, did not undo her.

"_Ir abelas. _I did not mean to upset you, Alina," Solas backed off, "It would appear that old habits die hard."

"Help me find out what happened to my brother, to my clan. That is all I want from you." Alina turned her back to Solas and began to walk back towards camp. "If I hear you say that one more time… If you ever call me _vhenan_," she glanced over her shoulder, an emotion darker than hate etched into her face, "_Ar tu na'din." _ _I will kill you._

* * *

><p>Alina could feel Cullen's eyes on her as she came back to camp, alone. She placed a hand on his shoulder as she walked past him. He leaned into her, feeling the warmth of her skin on his cheek. Though, as quickly as she had come, she was gone, disappearing into her tent. Cullen felt his cheek where she had touched him, his gloved fingers yearning for hers.<p>

"Commander," Solas said, breaking Cullen from his reverie.

"Solas." Cullen's voice was curt, but he could not help it. He eyed the elf, glancing over him once. He looked unchanged by time, still as mysterious and quiet as ever. Cullen could not help but feel a growing anger, and whether it was on behalf of himself or Alina he couldn't be sure. The only certainty in his mind was that he didn't want Alina to be hurt again.

"I can see in your eyes that you don't entirely trust my presence here," Solas began, but Cullen interrupted him.

"Of course I don't, how could I?" His voice began to rise in spite of himself. He was trying to remain calm, but he could not control it. "Maker's breath, Solas, you must be truly ignorant to the hurt you have left in your wake!"

Cullen stood up and paced around the fire. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Varric.

"Curly. Chuckles. Why can't you two just be friends?" Varric teased, though his expression grew serious. "Give it a rest, at least for tonight. Our Inquisitor has enough to worry about without you two at each other's throats." He put a hand on Solas's shoulder. "Come with me, Chuckles, we gotta lot to talk about."

The two left Cullen sitting by the fire, who tried to stem the tide of anger within him. He thought of Solas and Alina, which only bore him more aching in the depths of his heart. He thought of Alina.

He reminisced, wondering how he considered their months battling Corypheus as "better times."

* * *

><p>How glad he was to see her alive. The relief was momentary before he realized that she might not be for long, if they left her out in the snow. Cullen rushed forward, his feet sinking, the wind cruelly whipping his face. He wrapped her up and cradled her in his arms, noticing the blueish tints in her lips, her fingers.<p>

Urgency wrecked his heart, anxiety filling every corner of his mind. _Almost there, we're almost there_. _You're going to be okay._ As his search party made their way back to their makeshift camp, he felt his anxiety subside. He placed her on a cot and stroked her hair, removing the stray pieces from her face. The healers crowded him, pushing him out of the way. He watched her then, thinking of all the words he would say when she awoke.

But when she did, he kept his silence.

Then, the rumors at Skyhold began.

_The Inquisitor and the elf! _Cullen's heart twitched, but he let it go. He had realized long ago that he was not fit to love another, as much as he wanted to. Perhaps she would find happiness better suited to her in Solas. How very wrong he was.

Between missions, when the companions took time to relax, Cullen would often find his work interrupted by the sound of his office door slamming open. Despite Alina's budding relationship with Solas, she still made the time to see all of her companions, especially Cullen.

_Hello Commander! _She would cheerily say, smiling mischievously at him. In the public eye, she was always much more composed, much more somber. But alone in his tower, he could see her visibly relax. She'd often come to him, looking for a game of cards, or to bring him various treats she managed to procure from the kitchens.

Alina would smile wide, her innocence always taking Cullen aback. How could this young, beautiful elf be the head of the Inquisition? He had seen her stone cold, he had seen her slay hundreds of men, and yet, here she would appear before him, always asking questions, beaming. He hoped that the Inquisition would not rob her of her insatiable curiosity, her childlike wonder.

She had such ideals, such passion, that sometimes he felt like he was her shepherd, keeping her from straying too far from her path. As such, he found that she would occasionally like to push his buttons.

Cullen had to work actively to keep her at arm's length- it was too easy to get lost in her gaze. Although he was sure the heat between them wasn't imagined, they both knew that she had already given herself to Solas, and as such, Cullen worked extra hard to pretend that the feelings he had didn't exist.

But these days it was much harder to pretend, and with the return of Solas, Cullen did not know quite what to do.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Alright! The ball is rolling with INTRIGUE, DRAMA, AND STUFF! We'll get back to more action in the next chapter, but I wanted to make sure I fleshed out some details and such before moving into the bulk. Obviously the return of Solas is much more indepth than he lets on, but we all knew he was a sly trickster anyways!**

**Leave a review if you have any comments, positive or negative, or if you just love this story and want to see more coming :3**

**Tanks for reading! (sorry for any grammar/spelling errors. i read over my stuff a lot but sometimes you miss it ya know?! Also, sorry if you wanted hella action n magic n shite but there wasn't any. hopefully you guys like to read this story as much as i like to write it!)**

**Ps. Are there any characters you'd like to see more of? Obviously there's been some Varric, Cole & Cassandra, but I'm thinking of putting in some more Dorian, Leli & Josie. I mean, I want to include them all without it seeming forced. But if you wanna see some more of someone, shout it out!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for the awesome reviews and love I've been getting! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Please leave more reviews & luvin' because it truly does inspire me to keep writing. lemme know whatcha think!**

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><p>"They request my presence in two weeks' time."<p>

"That's too bad, Seeker, I was just starting to enjoy your presence," Varric mused, "I guess I'll have to get used to calling you _Divine_, too."

"We will have to hope there will be a time for you to address me as such," Cassandra half-joked, a sadness lurking just beneath the surface of her words, "I'm afraid I won't have time to exchange such pleasantries with you in the near future."

A pause. Varric stood beside Cassandra on the grassy hill, watching the others finish packing up camp.

"You'll do just fine." He murmured.

"I am not afraid," Cassandra replied, looking away.

"Of course you aren't, you'd have no reason to be. Keep a level head and you'll be alright, and remember, we'll be close by if you ever need us."

"We?"

"Yeah, _we_. The Inquisition, Alina, Cullen, all of us. Me and Bianca. You aren't alone," Varric said, "You never will be."

* * *

><p>"Halla tracks!" Alina shouted, gesturing to her companions. Her eyes scanned the ground before her, noticing multiple hoof prints in the grass. There was a good chance she had found the lingering presence of her clan. She guessed from their freshness that the halla had passed by only a few days prior. "Come on, let's get moving!"<p>

The group of five made their way through the grassy plains, following Alina, in what could only be described as an intensely uncomfortable silence. They came to a stop upon the edge of another forest, and Alina could feel it: they were near. Solas stepped beside her.

"We are close," Solas whispered, "can you feel it? There is magic all around us."

"Yes." Alina responded, careful not to betray her feelings simmering within. She was still not quite used to his presence, and she found herself caught off guard more than once when he spoke. "They are scared."

"They clumsily use their magic as protection. They do not wish to be found," Solas replied, "but luckily, you have me." He waved his hand, gentle green light emanating from his fingertips. Alina felt a wave of cold over her, but saw no change in the trees before her.

Apparently she was not the only one to feel the change. Cullen and Cassandra both started, alarmed.

"That magic…" Cullen began, "How is that you have that ability?" What Alina had first thought was anger, she realized, was actually some sort of begrudging admiration.

"Undoing magic is not something unique to Templars," Solas began, before casting his gaze to Cassandra, "nor to Seekers. It is something that began long before." He turned to Alina, his eyes growing soft, "You will be unable to cast spells for an hour or so. Stay close to me."

"Do they know their protective magic is gone?" Alina asked.

"Perhaps, if they are attuned enough. Either way, we must hurry, it would not do well to leave them unprotected for very long."

Solas picked up his pace, Alina and the others following suit. She watched him move confidently, swiftly, down the path, his ears pricked, listening, observing. Lost in thought, Alina followed close behind Solas, her legs on autopilot. Nostalgia gripped her, and she could not help but remember their first journeys together. She would look at him shyly, admiration setting her heart aflutter. Back then, Alina would only let herself look at him when she knew he couldn't see. She would visit him under the guise of wanting to learn more about magic and elves, but looking back, he probably knew exactly what she wanted.

He had an annoying way of guessing Alina's thoughts and motivations before she was even willing to admit them to herself.

_Uh-oh_. Alina brought herself back to reality a little too late, failing to realize that Solas had stopped moving until she was already mid-falling onto him, her face and chest pressing into his back as she struggled to regain balance.

"Oops." She said, her cheeks a light pink from embarrassment. She unwittingly looked up at Solas, who had turned around, a slight smirk on his otherwise unreadable features.

"Careful, Inquisitor," he said quietly, helping her upright, before turning back to the opening in the forest before him, "We're here."

Alina looked beyond him and gasped.

"Keeper Deshanna!"

"Alina?"

The small clearing in the forest housed Alina's clan. The camp was just as she remembered, the familiarity warming through her heart. A few halla looked quizzically at her. Alina's eyes swept the camp, her comfort slowly being replaced with an uneasiness. Something was wrong, but she couldn't place it.

Two elves came out of the forest, laughing to themselves. As they turned their attention to the newcomers, their faces immediately became grim. One of them readied his bow, an arrow pointed steadily at Alina. A third elf beside the fire pit rose and turned to Alina.

"But it can't be…" The young male elf from beside the fire stepped forward, his emerald eyes shining beneath his messy head of black hair. "Alina…?"

"Rychell!" Alina cried, relief flooding over her. At least her youngest brother was safe. She embraced him tightly, her eyes beginning to tear up. "Where is Ayla?" She asked urgently, whispering to him.

"_Atisha, _Alina. Relax. Our youngest sister has gone north with the rest of our clan. She is safe."

Alina began to speak with her brother and Keeper Deshanna, their joy at reuniting eclipsing even the unfortunate events that brought her to them.

Solas folded his arms, comforted by the sight of Alina's smile. However, his cold and calculating eyes flitted about the camp, as he had also found something amiss. The others watched on with a sort of muted happiness. Cullen felt a sort of shame that he had never asked more about Alina's family. He had not known that she had siblings.

Alina turned to her companions, beckoning them over. In turn, Keeper Deshanna signaled the rest of the camp to come forth. The two elves from the forest Alina immediately recognized, though the last years had changed them from the innocent youth she used to know into adults, hardened and tested by time.

_Zaos. Lian. _Zaos, a mage like her, was the clan's second. _He must be the new first now. _He had dark brown hair and pale grey eyes, kindness written upon his features. He gave Alina a warm smile. Beside him, Lian regarded Alina with a guarded expression. She had grown up with him as best friends. He was also the first elf she had ever kissed, had ever slept with. If she had returned from the conclave, they would have been married.

Alina introduced her company: Varric, Cullen, Cassandra, and Solas, but it was hardly needed, as words of their heroism had spread far and wide beyond the borders of Ferelden and Orlais. The elves introduced themselves in kind, though Alina could sense their wariness, and for good reason.

She steeled herself for the coming conversation, the one that she knew they knew had brought her to see them in the first place. She felt a hand on her back. Turning to look, she saw Cassandra's encouraging expression, her Seeker coming to stand beside her.

Before she could begin, Keeper Deshanna started to speak.

"Alina, I know why you have come. The disappearance of Mahanon grieved us all. I trust you received the message some time ago." Deshanna spoke, her voice strong but full of sorrow, resignation, as if she had practiced these lines for some time.

"Message…?" Alina repeated, her resolve cracking at the seams. "No… I… There was never a message."

Surprised, Deshanna was speechless for a moment. "Then what is it you know? Why are you here?"

"Mahanon…" She paused, "He is dead. His body was found inside Skyhold. Placed there. We don't know how." Alina could not bear to tell them the details, though she could not stem the flow of memories inside her mind.

Teeth. Fingernails, scrapes along the floor. Blood staining her room, agony on his face. Mahanon's red eyes turned pale, lifeless. She would never see his smile, never hear him laugh.

Alina didn't notice as Varric began to talk to her clan, discussing their stay and how they'd like to help. Time passed – Cassandra and Cullen set up tents as Solas spoke in quiet whispers with the Keeper. Alina's helplessness in that moment was barely touched upon, her companions wordlessly coming to her aid. No questions asked, no concerned looks. They took care of her as she had taken care of them countless times before.

Lost in her own thoughts, Alina barely registered her own body moving through space as Cullen helped her into her tent.

He said something, incomprehensible to her, and turned to leave.

"Wait." She breathed, her small fingers clasping around his wrist. "Don't go," she begged a barely audible whisper.

"Alina?" Cullen questioned, moving back to her. He sat beside her on her bedroll, patiently waiting. He gazed at the outline of her form, unabashed and unashamed in the darkness. The silence urged him to speak, "Tomorrow we will talk more, tonight you must rest."

Cullen's voice did little to fill the emptiness that had grown inside her. Alina felt like a shell of her former self, twisted in all directions and spread thin. Defeating Corypheus felt like ages ago, something of a different universe, another lifetime. Ripping through her heart was the pain of Solas, going and returning, but still without answers. Flooding her mind was the death of her younger brother, an even deeper pain placed upon the former, leaving no room for reprieve. The closest she had come to happiness was when she had quiet moments with her companions, and even then they were merely distractions from the heartache that permanently resided inside her.

Alina turned to look at the Commander, wanting desperately for his words to comfort her. On the outside she would be strong, tomorrow she would put on a fresh mask. But for now she let herself falter, in the protection of the night, in the protection of her Commander's presence.

But in this moment she felt panic rise, because his words did nothing to stem the tides within her.

"Cullen," Alina said. He turned to face his body towards her, and she turned to him.

Cullen's worry began to grow as he began to see Alina breakdown more and more around the edges. The night before she let herself slip a little, in his presence at the fire, but this time it felt different.

"Alina," he held her hands, her skin on his own, "Alina, I will make everything alright. Underneath all of the doubt, all of the fear, you can find me."

Alina trembled as she brought her hands to Cullen's face, his words nestling their way into her heart, waiting for her to understand. She could feel his breath on her face. She drew her lips closer to his, hovering only inches apart.

Cullen's heart seized up. How he wanted _so badly_ to fill the space between them, to greedily tug at her lips with his own. He wanted to take her pain and send it away, he wanted to make her feel loved, honored, _beautiful_, like she deserved. Cullen wanted nothing more than to make all of her unhappiness disappear. But he knew that in the desperate and lonely darkness of the night, he would be doing it all wrong, doing both of them a disservice.

Cullen withdrew, taking her hands from his face. He put her hands in her lap and placed one of his own hands upon her face. He could feel tears dampening his fingers.

"When all of this is over," Cullen began, drawing breath, "if I am what your heart desires, then come find me."

* * *

><p>"Mahanon went on a hunt weeks ago, alone," Keeper Deshanna began, "I did not like that he went by himself but he insisted that he must. He was the most skilled hunter in our clan, so I did not hesitate as much as I should have…"<p>

"Someone is out there, watching, waiting," Cassandra started, "They clearly wish to bring harm to the Inquisition, more specifically, to our Inquisitor. But their motivation is another pressing matter."

"Might I remind you that Mahanon's death is not only an act against the _Inquisition?_" Lian responded, venomous, "His death reminds us that not one of us is safe, and yet you seem only concerned with your Inquisition."

"Yes, and the Inquisitor is your own kin, yet you do not fear for her safety?" Cassanda responded, her voice growing deeper in anger.

"She has shown herself capable enough without us." Lian sneered. "She only returns because of the death of her brother."

"Lian!" Alina said, hurt lacing her voice. "Not a day has passed since I didn't think about Clan Lavellan, about my duty, and my loyalty to us!"

"Loyalty!" Lian said, incredulous, before his lips twisted into a smug grin, "You speak of loyalty but I see that your face is quite _bare_. You rid yourself of your vallaslin yet come back and say you are one of us?"

"I must interject and apologize. I am the one who did away with Alina's vallaslin," Solas responded calmly, "but I must insist you do not assume it makes a statement about her or her… _loyalty_."

"He is right," Rychell said quietly, "And this fighting won't help us find who killed Mahanon. Alina is back, and that's what's important." He turned his gaze to his sister, "We have to find who killed him."

"I know, Rychell," Alina responded, "I would like to find out where Mahanon was hunting. Perhaps we could find a clue to his disappearance."

"He set off to the west, searching for a rare plant called Andruil's Fire," Keeper Deshanna explained, "He was helping me collect ingredients for a poultice. Poor, poor child…"

"Then we go west," Alina responded, standing up, "There's no time to lose."

Alina turned to her companions in private.

"I need someone to stay here with my clan, please," Alina began, "I'll feel better knowing someone is keeping them safe."

"I'll stay," Varric responded, "I want to hear some of their stories."

"Me too," Cassandra said, "Though not for their stories. If anything happens they will need more than the dwarf's crossbow."

"Come on, Cass, don't be like that," Varric teased, "and here I thought we were just starting to be friends."

"Alina." A voice came from behind the group. Alina's head turned and she saw Lian approaching her. "I'm coming with you."

Before Alina could protest, he began to speak again, "You may have been long gone, but Mahanon and I were still close. We became the brothers we were supposed to be, had you never left. I deserve to see what happened to him."

"Very well, Lian. But you will follow my orders, especially in battle, is that clear?" Alina did not let him see the stinging pain his words caused her. Clearly he did not let go of their former engagement.

"For now." Lian responded as he adjusted his bow.

* * *

><p>Alina, Cullen, Solas and Lian set off to the west, Alina carefully keeping an eye on her surroundings. The area that Andruil's Fire grew in was at least three day's distance away, and that there were many beasts between them and their destination. The four of them walked in silence, an unfortunate circumstance Alina was starting to get used to.<p>

The stars began to twinkle overhead when finally, someone made the first comment of their journey.

"I think we should set up camp." Lian said.

In record time Alina set up her tent and the fire. Lian and Cullen did not linger, choosing to go to their respective tents. Solas set up protective wards around their camp. He eventually finished, choosing to sit beside Alina. She felt his body heat.

"I cannot tell you why I left at this moment, though you undeniably deserve the truth. I can only tell you that I want to make things as right as I can. Let me help you, Alina," Solas said to her, his composure slightly breaking, "If there is nothing else, let me help you."

It was unusual to see Solas in a place where he was the one asking for forgiveness. Usually his pride made him snarky, sarcastic, aloof. Alina looked at him, trying to gauge the sincerity in his eyes. Perhaps against her better judgment, she chose to give in, but only a little.

"Promise me, when we're done, you'll tell me everything," Alina said, her voice timid, "Even if we are not meant to be, promise you'll tell me why."

"I promise, _da'len_," Solas responded, "You will know it all."

A few moments passed as they sat together in silence, before Alina stood up and retired to her tent.

Solas stared intensely at the fire, only wiping away the tears in his eyes when he knew that he was utterly alone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I hope ya'll don't mind the introduction of some of the Quizzie's clan. I always felt like there could be so much fleshed out there! And oooooh, more solas x lavellan drama. and cullen x lavellan! WHO WILL SHE GO WITH? NOBODY KNOWS! except maybe me. talk to me lovelies, tell me what you think! your reviews keep me aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry, one day late on the post. I'll try to post the next one sooner :D  
>Lemme know your thoughts n stuff. I like reviews!<strong>

**In this chappy: more mysteries unveiled, the plot thickens, oh boy oh boy. Next chappy I hope to include a serious Cullen vs. Solas dialogue, but it's pretty fuckin intimidating to write.**

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><p>"The veil is thin here," Solas murmured, hesitant to say anything more. Alina would realize soon enough.<p>

The group finally reached the location of Andruil's Fire. Lian stood on a fallen tree, scanning every detail of the forest, searching for the telltale red leaves.

Alina gracefully hopped up beside him, turning her back to scan the forest behind him.

"I have never seen it with my own eyes," Alina said softly, "only in drawings."

"I saw Andruil's Fire once before, when we were younger," Lian responded, "your brother and I wandered out here on a hunt. He was so excited, he grabbed at the leaves with his bare hands, the fool!"

Alina looked over her shoulder and saw Lian slightly grinning, lost in the memory, and for a moment she swore she could see the Lian she used to know: young, naive, untouched by the cruelty of the world.

Alina knew from teachings that the plant could never be picked with bare hands, as they would scorch the flesh of any who dared touch it without protection. She could picture it now- her younger brother, maroon eyes glinting with mischievousness, abandoning all caution at the sight of this exceedingly rare plant. He was into botany much more than she, and she would often mercilessly tease him for it.

However, Mahanon's excitement wasn't misplaced, as the plant had many mysterious qualities, and were supposedly used long ago in ancient, dark, elven rituals. Alina knew her brother marveled at the idea, wondering what kind of long forgotten secrets he could uncover.

Cullen stirred at the base of the fallen tree, feeling uneasy. Rising to his feet, he only moved a few paces before hearing something crinkle underfoot. Pausing, he reached down to find crumpled parchment, a page torn from a book- _no, a journal. _Cullen unfolded it, but was unable to make out the scratchy handwriting.

"I've found something… odd."

"What is it, Cullen?" Alina came beside him, looking quizzically over his shoulder. Immediately she ripped the paper out of his hands, shouting over her shoulder, "Lian, it's Mahanon's writing! It must be a piece of his journal!"

Lian immediately joined Cullen and Alina, the three intently gazing at the parchment. Only Solas seemed disinterested, his focus on something else, far into the forest.

Alina could read her brother's writing easily, but it was a talent that only came after years of practice. She felt a distinct pang in her chest at the thought. She watched the short, disjointed entries become even more incoherent. Alina began to read the note aloud.

_The air feels wrong. It is heavy, muffled, foggy. Something is watching me but even my trained ear and eye cannot find what it is. Perhaps tomorrow this feeling will pass, but for now I will keep vigilant. I must find the plant and go home. _

_The feeling is growing stronger. Something is following me. Fear grips at my chest and confuses my mind, but I have to fight it if I can. These entries let me pretend. Things are going to be alright._

_I saw her. I saw her in the night. But how can it be?_

_My skin crawls. Heart beats erratically. Try to stay focused._

_Whispers, telling me things. Make me mad._

_Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad, mad_

_She comes again to visit._

_Tonight she holds me, murmuring sweet things._

Alina trembled, her voice shaking as she read aloud the last line, "Tomorrow night she comes, she says, tomorrow night it ends."

* * *

><p>Alina clutched the page to her chest as she walked through the woods, keeping close to her companions but far enough away that they could not see her pain. She could not picture her brother scribbling, frantically, trying to tear away his mind from the thoughts that haunted him. Alina knew him to be strong, clever, and fearless. She couldn't imagine what he must have been like, at the end.<p>

She did not want to. _He must have been so afraid_. But that elf was not her brother, and whoever, whatever, turned him into the elf that wrote those last, maddening words, would be found, she promised herself.

"Alina," Solas appeared beside her, "I believe this is what we are looking for." He unveiled a fire-red plant within a cloth, and she nodded silently before he wrapped it up.

"This isn't where he died," Alina stated quietly, unsure of herself, "there were marks on the floor… He wasn't dead until he was in my bedchamber."

"Death is not the only thing that makes the veil thin. Suffering, torment, anguish… One only needs enough despair to leave a mark upon such a place." Solas stated plainly. He glanced over, noticing that his words deeply pained Alina. "I am sorry…"

"It's alright, Solas," Alina interrupted, "At least we have a start."

Returning to the rest of their companions, Alina could not wait to return to the others. They began to make their way east, when Alina suddenly found herself encased in white threads.

Sticky, shimmering strings wove around her ankles and legs, stretching and stretching but not tearing.

"Spiders!" Cullen exclaimed. Four spiders descended from the branches above, their fangs glinting.

Unable to move, Alina watched her companions immediately spring into action, their postures changing instantaneously. Lian disappeared behind a tree, and Alina knew he was winding his way up the trunks to rain down arrows on the spiders from afar.

Solas was quick, his protective spells already surrounding the others. He seemed unperturbed by the spiders. In fact, Alina swore she could see a slight smirk on his face as he began to create a snowstorm.

Cullen had two spiders on him, though he, too, did not seem to mind. He easily dodged their fangs and legs, dancing effortlessly, his sword swinging. Solas froze a third spider, which immediately shattered by a well-placed arrow from the trees.

Turning to look at Lian, Alina smiled. He grinned back, but the look on his face shifted quickly to horror, his mouth forming words that Alina could barely hear.

"Look out!"

Snapping her neck back forward, Alina screamed in surprise as a spider was already in mid-jump, its legs extended. Unable to wield her staff, she used the last resort she could think of.

Alina outstretched her hands, bracing herself for contact. She looked into the many eyes of the spider before her, time slowing down as it closed the gap between them, hungering for her flesh.

It happened in a split-second: Alina heard Solas and Cullen cry out for her, and from the corner of her eye saw Cullen's outstretched arm as he tried so desperately to come to her aid. She felt a searing pain in her forearm, watching helplessly as a fang drove its way clean through her small arm. Flames burst forth from her hands, igniting the insides of the spider on fire.

It recoiled, its ghostly wail piercing the air as it shriveled up. Before Cullen and Solas could attend to Alina, the Mother Spider appeared, even larger than her younglings. Alina curled over in pain, clutching her limb to her side.

Cullen moved before her, blocking her completely from the spider. He nodded wordlessly at Solas, who then quickly began to examine Alina's arm. He muttered a few spells, watching the blue lights twinkle and stitch the skin on her arm. Relieved, he began to smile, but was caught off-guard when the stitches unraveled, revealing the sick, dark-purple wound in her arm.

"It is as I feared," He said, trying to remain calm, "these spiders are poisonous. My spells will only keep you alive for so long. We must return to camp immediately."

Despite Cullen's prowess as a warrior, he found himself tiring as he worked to protect the three of them from this exceedingly large spider. He knew that all he needed to do was keep the spider moving, occupied, so that their archer above could find the perfect weak spot.

Lian crouched in the branches, his heart pounding ferociously. The spider's fangs were undoubtedly laced with poison. Anger rose in his throat, sweat beading down his temple, as he readied his bow, his eagle eyes searching for the perfect target.

"Elgar'nan, guide my arrow," Lian breathed.

The arrow struck perfectly between the eyes of the spider. Cullen took the chance to push his blade through its open mouth, blood spurting out.

Silence.

"We must go now," Solas said, disentangling the webs from around Alina with a knife. She began to grow faint, feeling her strength sapping out of her. "She is already growing weak from the poison. You must carry her, Commander."

Cullen cradled Alina in his arms, examining her bleeding arm. Solas had done his best to mend it, but his efforts were only temporary. Lian quickly joined the three. He locked eyes with Solas, and he knew. He knew that he knew, and that there was little time. The three took off in silence, all of them too afraid to say aloud their deepest, darkest fear.

* * *

><p>"Stay with me, Alina," Cullen murmured, as Alina struggled to keep consciousness. "We are almost there. Just stay with me." They had been rushing non-stop through the forest for some time. Lian had gone ahead hours ago to find their halla. Solas skirted silently behind Cullen.<p>

"I'm trying," she wheezed, her eyes fluttering back into her skull.

"No, no, no, no," Cullen whispered, "Alina, please! Tell me something… Tell me a story."

"A story…?"

"Yes, tell me a story." He pleaded. Alina laughed quietly. She murmured.

"When we came to Skyhold, and we played a game of chess…" Alina began, causing Cullen's heart to tighten in his chest, "Well, I let you win. I wasn't going to, but I couldn't help myself. Especially after you asked me if I wouldn't rather spend time with-"

"Cullen! Solas!" Lian's voice rung out from the trees. "The halla are here!"

Three beautiful halla appeared, Lian leading the pack. Cullen and Solas mounted the other two hastily, Alina nuzzled in front of Cullen, her body swaying dangerously as she tried to sit upright.

The three began to make their way back to camp. "It should only be an hour or two, Ghilan'nain help us. We will ride swiftly." Lian began to speed up the pace, the other halla following suit.

Alina rested herself on Cullen, trying hard not to lose consciousness. She felt his arms wrap around hers as he kept them both on.

"Don't let me fall off, okay?" She murmured, the back of her head resting on Cullen's shoulder.

"Never, Alina. Never."

* * *

><p>Varric and Cassandra stood on the edge of the encampment, their eyes searching, ears listening, for any sign of the rest of the group. Lian's demand for halla, the urgency in his voice, could only mean something dire had happened.<p>

"There." Cassandra nodded.

Immediately they could see that there was something wrong with Alina, her small frame bouncing and lilting with the halla- she made no attempt to hold herself up. Cullen approached quickly, dismounting and taking Alina along with him, in his arms. Solas strode past them, pulling the commander along, his hand strong on Cullen's arm.

"Quickly, to the Keeper."

"What happened?" Cassandra thundered, noticing the gash in Alina's arm.

"It was the spiders, wasn't it?" A voice asked, the group turning to look. Rychell had come out of the nearby aravel, fear spreading across his face.

"Yes. I was able to stem the immediate spread of the poison, but I fear my magic was not enough. We need a proper cure." Solas laid Alina out on a bedroll, feeling her skin. Cool, clammy, tinged with grey. He covered her in a blanket, exposing only her arm and head.

"Alina!" Keeper Deshanna descended upon her, already working her magic in earnest. "We need a poultice. I have most of the ingredients here, but we are missing crystal grace. I need three."

"I'll get them," Cullen responded, standing swiftly to his feet.

"And I shall accompany you." Solas added, joining Cullen. "It will be quicker- and less dangerous - with two of us."

Cullen bit his lip, nodding in agreement. As much as he did not favor spending time alone with the elf, he knew his heart was in the right place, and maybe after all this time, he'd finally be able to get some answers.

"You can find them by the waterfall to the north. When you come back, bring the ingredients to Zaos. He will be able to make the potion."

"Yes, Keeper." Solas turned to Cullen, "Let us go."

Cullen prepared to leave, though his eyes couldn't stray from Alina's face. She looked calm, like she were merely sleeping, but sweat plastered her black hair to her face and neck, her breathing shallow.

Keeper Deshanna briefly stepped away from Alina, approaching Solas on the outskirts of the camp.

"Did you manage to find Andruil's Fire?"

"Indeed we did," Solas replied, holding out the package containing the plant. Keeper Deshanna placed her hand upon the cloth, but Solas kept his grip firm, "Though what you are intending to do with it remains a mystery."

Solas and Keeper Deshanna locked eyes briefly, before she looked away. Solas loosened his grip, letting her take the plant. She paused, her expression unreadable.

"You will find out soon enough, child."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So I worked out more important points in our main-plot... The mystery intensifies! Alina is injured! Will Cullen and Solas be able to save her? How will the two fare in company of only each other?! So many questions! So many answers!**

**I think I'll be bringing in Cole and IB into the rest of the story, since Cassandra is needing to peace out to do her Divine things... Debating between also Vivienne and Dorian. We'll see!**

**PS. I totally secretly worry that every chapter I write is poopsicles. So hopefully you guys like it! Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Holy bejeesus, sorry for the late post everybody! I just had a super bad cold + case of writer's block + writing cullen/solas was super hard. Plus I figured writing a quality chapter was better than just updating with a shit one. I hope I did an okay job. thanks for keeping up with my story! I hope you guys like it!**

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><p>Solas and Cullen scouted the forest in silence. The air was fraught with tension, but neither could be moved to address it. Together they had already collected two bundles of crystal grace, the quiet urgency growing as they searched for more.<p>

"There!" Solas murmured, moving forward into a thicket towards the crystal grace. He knelt down to collect it.

Cullen watched him, his movements graceful and controlled. Although Cullen had grown to begrudgingly respect the apostate elf during the Inquisition, the two were never more than friendly acquaintances. He could never break his initial impression that Solas was hiding something. Even till the end, Cullen wondered about the secrets that Solas held beneath his unreadable expression.

When the news hit- that Solas had disappeared after Corypheus' defeat, that he left without a trace, Cullen was not as surprised as the others. In fact, he felt almost satisfied, knowing his suspicions were correct: there was more to Solas than met the eye. But this satisfaction was overshadowed quickly by Alina's suffering, something that ignited a mixture of feelings within Cullen.

Though the elf was back, Cullen still had no answers. The fact that Solas could move so silently, so easily, among the company of the Inquisition, leave without warning, and come back, said much about his nature. A wolf in sheep's clothing.

Cullen could not fathom how Solas could return without answering any questions, how he could move, guiltless, back into his place at their sides. Cullen felt the other night's anger grow within him, though he fought to control it.

Solas spoke as he continued to cut the crystal grace. His voice was light and unassuming, but his words carried a heavy weight.

"She already knows we cannot be."

Cullen was taken aback, his eyes narrowing, though he let no audible cue that he was surprised. The forest seemed to close in around him as he took a step closer to Solas, trying to read his mood. When Solas cast an unreadable expression over his shoulder, Cullen felt his emotion began to seep through. He could not help himself.

"Then why did you come back? Did you come to see the heartbreak you've caused?" Cullen gritted his teeth.

"On the contrary, Commander," Solas responded, his voice sharpening ever so slightly, "I did not intend to ever come back, regardless of the blush that haunts her cheeks, the pain so easily read upon her face." Solas looked away. "But circumstance changes everything."

"She… We are not pawns in your game, Solas!" Cullen's voice rose. "We are not _slaves _ to circumstance."

Solas snapped, standing up, his eyes boring deep into Cullen's, "You know nothing of which you speak! Commander though you may be, you are blind to the events unfolding before you." Solas walked up to Cullen, his stare unwavering.

"I may have been blinded before, by my own naivety, but no longer. I will protect the Inquisition," Cullen said, matching Solas' gaze, "I will protect Alina from anything. Even from you."

Solas considered the man before him. He had seen the story before- a man haunted by his past, desperate and wanting to make things right. Often, he had seen it go awry, men and elves living in fear instead of in spite of it. But before him he saw an unwavering resolve, a confidence that was not bold or brash, but one born of true perseverance.

Swallowing his pride, Solas reclaimed his cool demeanor. "You are right. You are not pawns in a game," he moved away from Cullen, facing the direction of the Lavellan camp, "You are free to move, to shape the world as you wish. I am merely here to guide you, if I can."

"And once we are done here? Will you again take your leave of us?"

"Yes. There are many things I must attend to before my journey is over." Solas clutched the crystal grace. His ears twitched, knowing what question would come next.

"And what of you and Alina?"

"I do not want to bring any more hurt to such a wondrous being. My feelings are irrelevant now… Merely a distraction from my true intent." Solas felt a sting as he said the words aloud, his heart beating fast as he murmured what he only knew could be lies. He looked over his shoulder at Cullen, his voice soft, "Can you take that pain away?"

Cullen felt the question ache in his bones. The forest was unusually silent, and he could only hear his heart beating in his ears. He looked into the elf's eyes. Cullen was surprised at the earnestness of the words that then came out of his own mouth, his vulnerability in their loneliness the last thing he ever expected.

"I want to try."

* * *

><p>"We've brought back the crystal grace." Cullen unloaded the plant matter into the hands of Zaos, who worked deftly to create the antidote to the poison wracking Alina's body.<p>

"Your timing is good, much longer and she would have been done for." Zaos mumbled. He held a glass vial up to the sun, flicking its side. "Looks good."

Cassandra and Varric kept close watch on Alina, trying to pass the time by telling each other stories and arguing halfheartedly. Rychell stayed close to Alina's side, holding the hand of his older sister.

"They've returned, _lethallin_, you will be okay," He whispered into her ear.

Lian watched from the outskirts of the encampment as Zaos administered the potion to Alina, a combination of relief and resentment growing within him.

The Alina he had come to know and love growing up in the wild forests of Thedas had changed incredibly, this much he was sure of. He remembered her innocence, her laughter, things that seemed long gone. Together they were curious about the outside world, wondering and fantasizing about what it would be like to go to a human city. They would play games in the trees, pretending to be kings and warriors.

As they had reached their teenage years, he found himself growing an even deeper love for her. He felt enamored, the presence of her churning a hot and insistent feeling within. He began to look at her in ways he had never noticed before. Together they explored what it meant to grow up, to be an adult, and Lian remembered feeling the happiest he had ever been.

The day came when she was sent to the conclave, and he thought nothing of it, knowing her return would come soon enough. He sent her off with a kiss on her vallaslin-covered face.

When word had reached the Lavellan clan about the explosion, Lian was torn apart, his whole world turned upside down. Sure she had perished, he mourned for days, spiraling deeper into depression. But this period did not last, for again word came that she was safe. Not just safe, he had learned, but that she was being called _the Herald of Andraste_, _the Inquisitor. _

His relief turned to sadness when he received no word from her. Bitter in his longing, he wondered if she had so easily forgotten about him. In darkness this bitterness grew, though he tried to cast it aside. He immersed himself in the hunt, finding comfort in the perfection of his skills and in the friendship of Mahanon, her brother.

He could not stop her return from awakening old feelings, but he knew that her heart was no longer with him. She was so different, he realized, it was as if she had really died at the conclave, and was born anew, her past forgotten as she molded herself into the Inquisitor, the people's hero.

_But is that really what you wanted to be?_

Lian slipped off into the forest.

* * *

><p>"Inquisitor," Cassandra began, kneeling beside Alina, who was now sitting upright.<p>

Alina had been awake for a few minutes, coughing and sputtering at the unfortunate taste of the antidote. She chastised Zaos for not adding a hint of embrium to aid the taste, at which he merely smiled.

"Yes, Cassandra?"

"I am sorry to do this so soon, but it seems as if I must take my leave of you."

"Now? I thought you could stay for at least a few more weeks?"

"Letters have come requesting my presence. It is unfortunate, but I must go immediately. I just wanted to wait, to make sure you were going to be alright."

Varric ushered away the rest of the party, realizing Cassandra wanted to say good-bye to Alina in private.

"That was very thoughtful of you, Cassandra, but I don't want to be in trouble for keeping the new Divine away from her duties." Alina smiled.

"They can deal with it," Cassandra replied, smiling back, "You are much more important, anyhow."

A quiet silence settled between them. Cassandra reached out and put her hand on Alina's shoulder. Alina would miss the gesture.

"Alina. It has been an honor to fight beside you, from the very beginning. I will not forget this journey nor the bonds we have shared."

"We sure have come far since the time you wanted to chop my head off, haven't we?"

"Yes," Cassandra laughed, "I am afraid I can be brash sometimes. But I'm sure I will learn many things when I become the Divine."

"You will change many things too, Cassandra."

"That is my intention. I will always be available if you need to talk, or if you need a good sword to fight beside you. I do not know if I can trust anyone else to be your shield."

"You have done so much for the world already, Cassandra. You have done so much for me. I would be doing you a disservice if I were to up and die the minute you left." Alina reassuringly replied, knowing the worry in Cassandra's mind. "Don't worry, I'll keep teasing Varric when you're gone."

"Good." Cassandra stood up. "We will see each other again, Inquisitor."

"We will. I promise." Alina struggled to stand to her feet, smiling as Cassandra quickly helped her. She embraced her friend, laughing at Cassandra's confusion. "Don't go destroying the world now, alright? We've worked so hard to save it already."

"Only because you asked me to."

Cassandra began to walk away, the inevitability of her future hitting her hard. But the world would keep on turning, and she knew that she had the power to make things right.

* * *

><p>"The Arbor Wilds?" Alina asked, bewildered. "Why do we need to go there?"<p>

"Alina…" Keeper Deshanna sat beside Alina, gazing into the fire in the middle of camp. The sun had already gone down, the stars shining above them. "While you were gone, and unconscious, I have been doing some research of my own about your brother's murder."

"What have you found?" Alina asked urgently.

"I believe there are elves plotting in the Arbor Wilds. What they really intend to do is unclear, but I think they have been targeting you, and us, for some time. Perhaps an act of vengeance, a bid for power, I do not know. But I do know you, _da'len_, and I know you would like to find out the truth for yourself."

"Elves?" Alina remembered Abelas and the Temple of Mythal. "The Arbor Wilds holds many mysteries, Keeper. Where will we find them?"

"This is true, child. There are many old temples from ancient elvhen times, strewn about the chaos that is the forest there. Cullen told me you have already solved the puzzle of Mythal's Temple. There are two more of interest that you ought to seek out: the Temple of Andruil…. and the Sanctuary of Fen'Harel."

"Fen'Harel?!" Alina asked, fear growing in her voice, "The Dread Wolf had a temple?"

"Yes, you may find answers you are searching for there. Be not hesitate, for the curse of the Dread Wolf should not be feared by you."

"Keeper?"

"When you are well, you should head to the Arbor Wilds. I know that we both want to let Mahanon rest. Do not be scared, sweet child, you will soon find all the answers you seek."

"Yes, _hahren_." Alina responded. "Thank you."

"Thanks are not needed. You have done well thus far, Alina. You will do well now, too."

The Keeper gave Alina a reassuring smile before retiring to her caravan. Alina resumed staring at the fire, watching the flames dance, lost in thought. A slight shuffle caught her attention, and she turned her head to see Solas emerging from his tent.

"Alina. May I?" Solas gestured.

"Of course." He sat down beside her.

"We are to go to the Arbor Wilds," Alina said, "We are to seek out the temples of Andruil and Fen'Harel."

A moment of silence passed.

"So the Keeper has told me," Solas replied slowly.

"Solas…" Alina sighed, "I am glad you are here."

He turned his head to study the elf beside him. "I am glad it seems you have changed your opinion."

"I feel safer going to the Arbor Wilds with your knowledge, though," Alina started, before lowering her voice to a whisper. She admitted the fear within her, "I… I am scared to go to the Sanctuary of Fen'Harel."

Solas smiled inwardly, the fear in Alina's voice betraying her ever-present innocence. He was reminded momentarily of their time in the Inquisition, when the folds of their relationship allowed her to reveal her passions, her fears, her vulnerabilities in the safety of his arms without fear of repercussion. In those days he offered her comfort and protection.

Solas gently placed a hand on her cheek, bringing her eyes to his. He chose his words carefully.

"You need not be afraid, _da'len_. The Dread Wolf will not take you when you are with me. I will not let him find you."

"Okay."

The flames gave her cheek a warm glow. Alina's eyes ablaze with their own determination, the trace of her brow still betrayed her concerns. Solas soaked in the contours of her cheeks, the sprinkle of light freckles over the bridge of her nose. He gazed where the vallaslin used to be.

Alina watched Solas watching her, noticing his gaze as they trailed over her bare face. Before she might have blushed, embarrassed to be looked at so blatantly. Solas used to make her feel embarrassed, small, and forever young in the presence of his wisdom. But things were different now, and she no longer felt his power so strongly over her. True, there were parts of her heart that begged for his touch. But his return changed the song that danced between them- he had come back for her. No matter what pretense he chose to show or hide, she knew that he returned for her, and for no other.

Alina wanted to let go. She wanted to remember what it felt like- the purity of their relationship, the unbound passion. She brought her face closer to his, and she could feel his breath on hers. His expression was unreadable, constrained, and before this would make her annoyed. Tonight she cherished it, knowing the battle raging within him.

"Good night." Alina whispered. She stood up and began to walk to her tent.

"Good night, Alina." Solas responded.

Perhaps she was being petty, but she justified it in her mind, telling herself that with all of the horrible things happening lately, the least she deserved was a little bit of fun at the expense of the elf who broke her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: weew. so there it was. i'm actually pretty alright with how it turned out... What do you guys think? Leave me reviews :D they make me the happiest person in the universe (and inspire me to keep writing :D)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Lifetime of apologies for late posting on chapters. Life is annoyingly busy. i do like where the story is developing and I will finish it, don't ya'll worry. please r&r because i am starved for reviews. does anyone even care about this story?! Although a big THANK YOU to everyone who has commented, reviewed, and shown love/criticism. it really warms my heart to know that people really care about this story as much as i do. love ya'll. and thanks for putting up with my shit.**

* * *

><p>Poof. "Hello."<p>

"Cole!" Alina started in surprise. She threw her arms around the boy, relief flooding her insides. She felt him carefully hug her back, his gesture timid.

"Ish thish how I do it?" He asked, his mouth squished against the top of Alina's head.

She laughed lightly before pulling away, holding Cole at arm's length.

"Yes, that was perfect," Alina examined him, her eyes turning serious. He looked more worried than normal, an air of agitation surrounding him. "Why are you here?" She asked.

"Anxious, they want to know you are safe. I came, because I could come. I am the fastest. I… I did not know we would be leaving soon." Cole responded, his voice lilting with concern. He cocked his head and looked around the camp, his eyes searching, but not finding. He brought his gaze back to Alina, his eyes wide, "But where is he? Where is Solas? I know I felt him here. I want to see him."

Alina followed Cole and searched the camp, noting Cullen and Varric in the distance, the two packing up the camp in hushed whispers, discussing the journey ahead. She sighed.

"Heavy heart, fissures and flakes, but slowly it mends," Cole breathed out, "Together we put it back together again." He tugged his hat down around his ears. Suddenly, Cole whirled around, his eyes flickering. "There."

Solas emerged from the trees, a small bag upon his back. He did not seem surprised as he gazed upon Cole, but his lips turned upwards into a warm smile. Alina realized she had not seen him do so in a long time. She felt a slight breeze as Cole darted past her, his eagerness to see Solas simultaneously endearing and slightly annoying. Alina felt guilty at the pang of annoyance, knowing it only arose due to the nature of her relationship now with Solas. She turned away from the pair, wandering away to prepare for their departure.

"Solas!" Cole exclaimed as he slowed his pace, stumbling ungracefully up to Solas like a small child, exuding an innocent kind of happiness.

"Cole." Solas placed a hand upon his shoulder. "I'm glad to see you again."

"Yes," Cole said, "Thank you. I am a spirit because of you. I am happy, helping."

"That's excellent, Cole. Being a spirit is a wonderful thing. It seems like you are doing well."

"I am. I was afraid, wondering what they would do to me after he was gone. But they were welcoming, warm. Alina likes me, she lets me do what I do best."

"You have found a family. You don't need one, yet here you are."

"Yes. I am where I am, where I belong. And you…" Cole looked closer into Solas's eyes, his brows creasing. "You need not envy me, for what you are is greater than-"

"Cole." Solas interrupted, his voice sharp. "Please."

Solas watched Alina head towards Cullen and Varric. She was intercepted by her brother, who hugged her hard, his face buried in her shoulder. He begged her to be careful. Cole turned, watching the scene unfold as he stood beside Solas.

"She is real. Beautiful, even in despair. But there is still no choice."

"It is true. You cannot heal this, as I have said before. I will not stray from my path."

"You never stopped thinking of her, even when you were gone."

"... I know."

"The song you sing, she can't hear. You will leave and she will never know. It pulses, pounding, pervading, yet you pretend. If you find your happiness, she will lose hers."

Solas did not respond, Cole's words crushing his heart. As he watched Alina kiss her younger brother on the forehead, the pain he worked so hard to keep under wraps began to unravel. The clan wished them good luck. Wordlessly, the two joined Alina and the others as they began to make their way back south. Solas silenced the storm brewing within him, a practice he perfected over the journey of his thousand year-long life.

* * *

><p>The journey was tedious, but Alina and her companions were no stranger to such long travels. They debated about stopping along the way back at Skyhold, but thought better of it due to the presence of Solas. Instead, Alina sent a letter along, letting the others know of their well-being. She missed Cassandra greatly, and was waiting patiently to hear news of the new Divine.<p>

Completely healed, Alina felt a renewed drive, one that overshadowed the twists and turns in her heart concerning Solas and Cullen. Certain of the Keeper's guidance, she knew that soon she would have the answers she sought. She would find who killed Mahanon, and she would set his spirit to rest.

Though she was knowledgeable in the history of the elves, Alina still felt in awe of the idea of going to their old temples. She was wary, wondering what kind of things they would find- more guardians like Abelas, mysterious puzzles, or age-old artifacts. Alina felt forlorn knowing that although she possessed many small fragments of her ancestry, she could not piece them together. Not without Solas.

The group had traveled far over many days, and upon reaching the edge of the Arbor Wilds, decided to make camp. They had little knowledge of the locations of the temples, though Keeper Deshanna helped them as best as she could. They had a vague idea of their locations, and planned to set out the next morning in two separate groups to scout the area.

Varric and Cole sat together by the campfire, entertaining one another with small jokes and stories. Solas retired to his tent early, presumably to study his texts and materials on the temples they were to visit.

"I guess it's you and me tomorrow, Commander." Alina grinned, sitting beside Cullen at the base of a tree. She noticed that he had been pointedly avoiding her ever since rescuing her from the poison, and she intended to find out why. Cullen slightly recoiled.

"Yes, I suppose it is." He replied. Though his eyes met hers, Alina felt as if he were a million miles away. She nudged his leg again.

"Cullen," Alina's voice grew soft, at which he again turned his gaze to her. "I wanted to say thank you. You saved my life."

"If I had done a proper job, you never would have been poisoned in the first place," He said bitterly, shaking his head, "but I failed. I am sorry, Alina."

"Please, do not apologize. You have saved my life many times, Commander." Alina put her hand under his chin, bringing his attention to her. She looked at him earnestly, trying to be as honest as she could without revealing her true feelings. Her fingers still on his chin, she whispered, "You could never fail me."

Though few words, their impact was not lost on Cullen. Alina gave him reprieve. Beyond that, she gave him something even more precious, something he was certain he would never feel again. A tiny spark ignited and Cullen began to see a glimmer of it, where it cautiously grew in the dark corridors of his heart. Alina believed in him, a faith so unyielding that he could not help but also begin to believe.

* * *

><p>"Cole, Varric, and I will go this way," Solas gestured on a map laid out before them, "You two, go to the east. I'll only say this once," Solas turned his eyes to Alina, "If you happen to find a temple, don't even think of setting foot inside. You must wait for all of us."<p>

"Why are you looking at me?" Alina asked.

"Because you are the only one who needs to be told." Solas flashed a grin at Alina.

"We can't have you go dying on us, Alina," Varric teased, "I have a feeling Cassandra would be most displeased."

Alina sighed, tapping her foot impatiently. "Okay, okay. Can we go now? Or do you have any more funny quips you would like to make before we part ways?"

"Just don't have _too_ much fun without us," Varric slyly remarked, slinking away, knowing full well that he was pushing Alina's buttons, perhaps a little too much.

She scowled, her cheeks turning pink. Alina could feel Solas' gaze on her, and she couldn't help but look at him. His expression was unreadable, but Alina felt her embarrassment deepen as he stared at her with such heaviness.

Cullen gently brushed his hand on Alina's back, signaling her to come with. She broke away her gaze from Solas, turning her attention to the Commander.

Solas watched Alina leave, annoyance and pride welling up in his chest. He tried to tame the uncouth thoughts that arose within him.

"Could it _actually _be that the elf is jealous?" Varric asked a lopsided grin spreading across his face. He folded his arms and looked at Solas.

"Master Tethras." Solas turned his gaze to the dwarf. A moment passed. He exhaled, "I don't know what you are referring to. I suggest we move on."

"As you wish."

As the camp parted ways, they did not notice.

A shadow, lingering on the outskirts of their tents. Watching. Waiting.

* * *

><p>"Red Templars? Still?" Cullen wondered aloud, his sword slashing effortlessly through a teeming crowd of red templars.<p>

"Maybe they're leftovers!" Alina responded from a few yards away, an impish smile on her face as she dispatched them with ease. "I prefer fresh meat myself!"

Alina could hear Cullen audibly cringe at her joke as he felled the last templar. "If only Iron Bull were here to hear you say that. He'd love it." He responded.

"If only you had a better sense of humor," She replied, smiling.

Cullen chuckled, sheathing his sword and setting it, along with his shield, on the ground. Alina threw her staff beside his sword. They walked to the base of a nearby hill, a gentle slope through the forest.

"Rest here for a moment, I'll be back shortly." He swiftly climbed to the top, his eagle eyes searching through the forest.

Alina watched him. She felt simultaneously barbaric and amused by the fact that fighting was, these days, one of the only things that made her feel alive, that made her feel like _her._

Cullen turned to look at her, a smile growing across his face. She returned the grin. It was in the afterglow of battle, in these moments that Alina felt strong. Wild, beautiful, untamed. She felt her heart unshackled, the thoughts of her brother, Solas, the emptiness they wrought on her, gone.

Alina looked at Cullen with eyes unclouded, knowing in the deepest parts of her heart the truth: if he had told her, kissed her, shown her his true feelings without hesitation on that night in Haven, she would have been his. And she would have been happy.

Cullen's smile transformed into a look of horror. A roar broke Alina out of her reverie. Whipping her head around, her eyes immediately found the source: an ogre. It towered over her, red crystals covering its body, deforming its skin, a sickly red hue emanating from the protrusions. The ogre held a crudely made club overhead. Though their untainted cousins were rather slow and clumsy, Alina knew lyrium-infused ogres were incredibly fast.

Alina made a dart for it, knowing her life would only be saved if she could reach her staff in time. She saw it lying innocently in the grass yards away and she chastised herself for her stupidity. After uniting nations and felling an evil wizard, she was possibly going to be die because she chose to throw her magic stick on the ground carelessly.

_Almost there! _Cullen was closing in behind her, and Alina felt relief begin to flood over her, but it was cut short. The ogre angrily stamped its foot down, shock waves emanating from the impact. Alina stumbled, her hands slamming the ground, face into the dirt. She heard Cullen call her name.

She turned to look. The ogre's club was already beginning its arc and it was coming for her. Alina watched, time slowing. She closed her eyes, arms over her head, a fruitless effort. Any moment and she would be crushed, clubbed to death by a giant, pokey ogre. _A sad fate, indeed._

Impact. _No… _Warmth. She opened her eyes.

There he was. Her Commander. He enveloped her in his arms, his sword and shield still abandoned. In one arm he held her in his protection, his opposite hand tucking in her head in an attempt to keep her safe. She could feel his cheek pressing into the top of her head.

The two embraced, ready for impact, but it never came. Alina heard it. The sound of something heavy colliding with glass. Shattering. And then, silence.

Alina warily opened her eyes, afraid of what she might see. She scanned her surroundings. The ogre lay on the ground, dead. Both she and Cullen were unharmed. He opened his eyes.

"Did you cast barrier?" He asked, breathless.

Alina looked down at her hands. "I… I don't know. It sounded like it, but… I can't really do magic without a staff. All I know is that we are safe, for now."

Alina peered into Cullen's eyes. As he returned her gaze, realization began to dawn on her. She closed the space between them.

"You… You wanted to protect me. We both would have died." She murmured, both angry and thankful.

"I know." Cullen said, his gaze unbreaking, "I had to do it. I had to come for you."

"I don't want anybody else to die because of me," Alina responded, trying to stop tears from welling up in her eyes, "Especially not you." She exhaled, her breathing becoming ragged, "You idiot."

"Alina…"

"You saw what it was like, you knew there was no chance, and yet you came!"

"I didn't have a choice," Cullen responded. His voice raised, and Alina could hear the determination, the passion.

"It was stupid!" She cried in response, tears beginning to spill down her cheeks. "Dying for me is stupid!"

"There was no other option."

"Don't lie!"

"I am _not _lying." Cullen brought his gloved hands to Alina's face, bringing her close to him. "I could not fail you and live with myself. The thought of it… It pains me. It hurts. I can't imagine it."

Cullen lowered his voice to a whisper, his eyes searching in hers.

"You were right, Alina. I will never fail you."

Alina studied Cullen's expression. The scars on his face, the light blonde stubble. A tear rolled down his imperfect cheeks. He was not perfect, but flawless.

Cullen filled the space between their lips. Slowly, quietly, but surely. A gentle kiss, fleeting in the silence of the forest. Her lips felt as tender as he had imagined. Savoring the moment, he pulled away before too long. He knew what he had done was bold, perhaps even treacherous, considering the recent events in their relationship.

Alina opened her eyes. "Cullen, I…"

"I know." He interrupted, "I remember what I said. I still mean it. If you still want me when this is all over… then come find me."

She nodded. A pain ripped through Cullen. He would stay true to his words, her trust in him taking priority over his own desires. But deep down he worried, for he did not know what he would do if the day did come and she didn't want him anymore.

* * *

><p>"A statue of Andruil." Alina said in awe, tilting her head back to look upwards. "This must be it."<p>

Cullen began to mark the map, taking note of their location. He glanced up at Alina, who was gazing intently at the doors to the temple.

"No." Cullen ordered. "We will not go in there alone."

"How did you know that's what I was thinking?"

"You are easy to read."

"Fine. Let's go back to camp. I want to meet up with the others so we can start exploring." Alina huffed and began to make her way back.

Her mind hummed with a multitude of thoughts- Cullen's kiss, the Temple, her brother, Solas. She was not angry at Cullen for kissing her, but it did not do anything to make her situation less complicated. She tried to placate herself with the idea that soon her brother would be truly put to rest, and perhaps soon she would be able to come to a conclusion about her relationships with both Solas and Cullen. _Soon_.

How very wrong she would be.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: hoo boyy, dey kissed. just a little taste o' that cullen action since you guys have been reading for so long without anyyy sort of kissing! though i must say the romance is far from resolved. it could still go either way, folks!  
><strong>

**For next time... Temple exploring, elven history coming to light, awkward love triangle + cole (super double extra awkward love triangle)  
>for next next times: Fen'Harel's temple ( i know you guys wanna see what unfolds there ), more mysteries revealed!<strong>

**please review :D **


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